I want one of these, but then the NSA may be listening to me. Plus, I don't have electricity. It started when I thought that the NSA had bugged my computer, so

I want one of these, but then the NSA may be listening to me. Plus, I don't have electricity. It started when I thought that the NSA had bugged my computer, so I got rid of my computer. Later on, I knew those shifty guys would bug my house, so I sold my house and moved to the forest. But in the forest, I knew they trained the squirrels to report in on my status to them. Jokes on them, I have the squirrels trained as double agents and send them to do things like type in HN comment posts via a public library computer.