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How to Treat Your Cat (or Manager) 1. Any cat > any thing, no matter how expensive. I wish my carpets and furniture weren't all scratched up, but I really don'
by edw519 12y ago
How to Treat Your Cat (or Manager)
1. Any cat > any thing, no matter how expensive. I wish my carpets and furniture weren't all scratched up, but I really don't care that much.
Corollary: Any manager > any project. The project may fail, but the manager may do another.
2. Let the cat initiate all action. They will let you know when they want to eat/sleep/play/cuddle/hang out. Respond predictably to their action.
Corollary: Keep coding until interrupted by your manager. Smile, listen, pretend to care, agree. Then continue coding.
3. Every time you return (even from the mailbox), greet the cat as if you hadn't seen each other for years. I don't know how cats perceive the passage time, but what difference does that really make?
Corollary: Document everything discussed with your manager and share the notes during your next meeting to remind them of what they probably won't remember.
4. Listen to the cat. They do have words, just not in the same language. Tonality and body language leave very important clues.
Corollary: Learn the definition of terms like: bandwidth, key results, deep dive, follow-up, subject matter expert, and ROI so you know what the hell your manager is talking about.
5. Include the cat in your plans when applicable. They may surprise you by enjoying watching football on TV, relaxing in the yard, or even eating together.
Corollary: Give your manager a status report so they know what's going on. Otherwise, they'll just interrupt you when you're right in the middle of coding a difficult algorithm.
6. If the cat gets scared, growls, scratches, or bites, you probably did something wrong. Identify and correct the problem.
Corollary: If the project fails, it's your fault because it can't be your manager's fault.
7. Even though it's not human, the cat is a member of your family and should be treated accordingly.
Corollary: Even though they can't code and have never built anything, your manager deserves as much respect as anyone else.
- obviouslygreen 12y agoResponse to corollary on #7: "Anyone else" deserves about as much respect as your cat. The idea that a creature that enjoys destroying your possessions, arbitrarily ignoring you for most of its life despite depending entirely upon you, expects total obedience despite no contribution or investment, has never earned a dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is or why that might be important to it, intrinsically deserves anything so important as respect is ridiculous. I'm not suggesting you leave your cat or your manager out to rot with the garbage (though I wouldn't argue, in most cases). But to suggest that either of these creatures, by default, deserves any measure of respect is hilarious to me.
- xioxox 12y agohas never earned a dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is or why that might be important to it Huh? What has earning money got to do with respect? Many people I respect don't have money as any of their main goals. Surely, money is only a means to an end and not an end in itself.
- al2o3cr 12y ago"The idea that a creature that enjoys destroying your possessions, arbitrarily ignoring you for most of its life despite depending entirely upon you, expects total obedience despite no contribution or investment, has never earned a dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is or why that might be important to it, intrinsically deserves anything so important as respect is ridiculous" I bet you make a GREAT babysitter.
- godDLL 12y agoWhat if he substituted 'restraint' for 'respect'? His argument wouldn't change, but would yours?
- findjashua 12y agoyour argument would've been somewhat palatable if you'd just left out "has never earned a dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is or why that might be important to it"