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On the other hand, comparing yourself to others can be useful in giving yourself direction and ideas. For a simple example, when I visit friends' houses, I am
by sliverstorm 12y ago
On the other hand, comparing yourself to others can be useful in giving yourself direction and ideas.
For a simple example, when I visit friends' houses, I am often taking little notes. "Oh, I love this sink. Hey, the placement of the washer is great." It gives me ideas, real-life-examples, for how I could improve my house to my own liking.
The same can be done at a personal level. Anything you admire about someone can be taken as a role model. Not because you want to outdo them. Rather because you want to be more like them.
Others may disagree, but I find other people very handy for "window shopping" life decisions and lifestyles. Does this guy seem fulfilled? Does that guy have trouble making rent? Which one do I want to end up like?
- ChuckMcM 12y agoFair point, I refer to that activity as "learning from others" as opposed to "comparing to others". The key difference is that the reference standard is rooted in your internal values. So "you love that sink" as opposed to "everyone thinks that sink is better than mine, time to upgrade my sink." Role models are good too, if you are evaluating the values that you believe in. But the key there is that you adopt your values because you believe in them, not because others think you should believe in them. Like the author who was pursuing fame as a researcher because he felt others saw that as valuable, only to come into conflict with his real values which were that his family meant the world to him. In my opinion, letting yourself be driven by values external to your world view will always end up with you feeling very poorly about yourself in the long term.