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Why Regret Is Essential to the Good Life (2013)

23 points by dollaaron 12y ago

polarix 12y ago
Retrospective analysis is important; is regret? Is it crucial to have the emotional distress that comes with rational evaluation of past choices? Does negative emotional reinforcement really work at such long time remove?
- hawkice 12y ago
  > Does negative emotional reinforcement really work at such long time remove? So, I don't know about regret specifically, but when researchers asked people to remember instances where they felt specific emotions, and asked how strongly the emotions reoccurred during that process, the number one emotion was embarrassment. Some theorize that fear of embarrassment driven by memories of making mistakes is one of the leading factors in the fluency gap between the first and second languages of children to foreign parents (who speak English [or the language of their peers] much better than their parents native language, even when their parents don't speak English at all -- somewhat odd considering children _need_ to communicate with their parents to survive and get basic needs met).
- gumby 12y ago
  It does, at least for me. There are things I have said, or have failed to do, which act as spurs to me even decades later. Without the emotional distress I would probably forget. I don't see it as pathological -- it's not like I sit in my room sobbing over past failures. But I still feel regret and as a result am (I think) a better person.
- ewzimm 12y ago
  No, I think regret is just the other side of paranoia. It's a lack of ability (not necessarily capacity, most likely due to emotional distress) to think through the full consequences of a situation and the opportunities it presents. When you're paranoid, you're worried about a bad situation without thinking through the ways you could respond to it or fix it if it does happen. If you have planned through what you will do if the worst happens, there's no way to be paranoid about it. Similarly, it's hard to regret something if you've learned from it and recognize that you never would have learned that lesson if it hadn't happened the way it did. Growth is motivated by responding to problems, not responding to everything going well.
nickbauman 12y ago
If you never regret anything, you've never taken responsibility for anything. Saying "No regrets" is not something to be proud of.
polskibus 12y ago
Regret can be a very strong motivator. Cold retrospective analysis does not guarantee that the lesson will be imprinted in the consciousness. If you do regret something though, chances that you repeat the same mistake again are much smaller than if you just analysed the old situation. You can look at the opposite of regret - say you really like doing something (for example - programming) - you will be doing it much better (via motivation) than if you just decided to do it because it is worth doing it (ie. via cold analysis of the potential outcome like good pay in the future).
brc 12y ago
Well I made it about 50% of the he way through and was filled with regret for starting the article. I found it whiny and introspective, all the things the author feared. Regret to me means you didn't take away the lesson when something didn't go the way you wanted. If you learn the lesson, and then apply it, what is to regret? There is no sense in living in the past.

23 points by dollaaron 12y ago

Retrospective analysis is important; is regret? Is it crucial to have the emotional distress that comes with rational evaluation of past choices? Does negative emotional reinforcement really work at such long time remove?

hawkice 12y ago
> Does negative emotional reinforcement really work at such long time remove? So, I don't know about regret specifically, but when researchers asked people to remember instances where they felt specific emotions, and asked how strongly the emotions reoccurred during that process, the number one emotion was embarrassment. Some theorize that fear of embarrassment driven by memories of making mistakes is one of the leading factors in the fluency gap between the first and second languages of children to foreign parents (who speak English [or the language of their peers] much better than their parents native language, even when their parents don't speak English at all -- somewhat odd considering children _need_ to communicate with their parents to survive and get basic needs met).
gumby 12y ago
It does, at least for me. There are things I have said, or have failed to do, which act as spurs to me even decades later. Without the emotional distress I would probably forget. I don't see it as pathological -- it's not like I sit in my room sobbing over past failures. But I still feel regret and as a result am (I think) a better person.
ewzimm 12y ago
No, I think regret is just the other side of paranoia. It's a lack of ability (not necessarily capacity, most likely due to emotional distress) to think through the full consequences of a situation and the opportunities it presents. When you're paranoid, you're worried about a bad situation without thinking through the ways you could respond to it or fix it if it does happen. If you have planned through what you will do if the worst happens, there's no way to be paranoid about it. Similarly, it's hard to regret something if you've learned from it and recognize that you never would have learned that lesson if it hadn't happened the way it did. Growth is motivated by responding to problems, not responding to everything going well.

nickbauman 12y ago

If you never regret anything, you've never taken responsibility for anything. Saying "No regrets" is not something to be proud of.

polskibus 12y ago

Regret can be a very strong motivator. Cold retrospective analysis does not guarantee that the lesson will be imprinted in the consciousness. If you do regret something though, chances that you repeat the same mistake again are much smaller than if you just analysed the old situation. You can look at the opposite of regret - say you really like doing something (for example - programming) - you will be doing it much better (via motivation) than if you just decided to do it because it is worth doing it (ie. via cold analysis of the potential outcome like good pay in the future).

brc 12y ago

Well I made it about 50% of the he way through and was filled with regret for starting the article. I found it whiny and introspective, all the things the author feared. Regret to me means you didn't take away the lesson when something didn't go the way you wanted. If you learn the lesson, and then apply it, what is to regret? There is no sense in living in the past.