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"Studies show" that growing up is bad for your brain? Does this professor tell his students not to get married because it will dull their minds? How depressin

"Studies show" that growing up is bad for your brain? Does this professor tell his students not to get married because it will dull their minds? How depressing. I'm reminded of the way many 20-somethings think that if they aren't careful, they'll suddenly be married with kids and wondering what happened to their life. Newsflash: If you want to find and build a relationship that will last for the rest of your lives, you have to try at least a little. You can't dare the universe to force a husband/wife and kids on you. Similarly, being a mature, responsible, independent member of society is not some inevitability that comes crashing down on us eventually, it's an achievement that is pretty easy to avoid by just being sort of dysfunctional and not taking responsibility for yourself and others.

aianus 12y ago
> I'm reminded of the way many 20-somethings think that if they aren't careful, they'll suddenly be married with kids and wondering what happened to their life. Newsflash: If you want to find and build a relationship that will last for the rest of your lives, you have to try at least a little. You can't dare the universe to force a husband/wife and kids on you. Plenty of people end up married with children simply because of some kind of birth control failure. As a 20-something, I'm rightly terrified of that happening to me. My lifestyle is completely incompatible with children or long-term relationships. Even talking to happily married people who love their children, I feel like I'm talking to someone with Stockholm syndrome. They say they're happy, they act like they're happy, but I still think I would be miserable in their shoes.
- ccvannorman 12y ago
  Happened to my parents. They were miserable for 14 years until they split. If I'd had a kid at their age, I'd have an 8 year old by now and my life would be shitty too. :/
UrMomReadsHN 12y ago
However I've seen plenty of people I know go through "suddenly married with kids and wondering what happened to my life." It happens plenty enough. Though I don't think your second point jived with your first very well (as I understand it). If you work hard toward a relationship that will last the rest of your life you aren't going to wonder "what happened to my life," it is going to be a deliberate thought out process toward a mutual goal(s) with plenty of communication and mutual respect for each other's wants and needs at the current moment. The "what happened to my life" crew ended up slowly sliding into their life without fully realizing what was going on until it happened. Or let their partner exert excess pressure into their life decisions without open communication and mutual respect for one and other. Maybe even mistakes such as accidental pregnancy. Also the changing environment you are in - when all your friends start moving towards something you may be just following the crowd because "that's just what you do" rather than completely wanting to do it. I've seen some people just get married for the sake of marriage because "that's what you do" without really picking someone they have long term potential with. I would also argue if you are experiencing a "what happened to my life" moment, you are unhappy with your relationship and what is either is or has become and don't want the relationship to last the rest of your life. "Wondering what happened to my life" is perhaps the cause of many divorces.

aianus 12y ago

> I'm reminded of the way many 20-somethings think that if they aren't careful, they'll suddenly be married with kids and wondering what happened to their life. Newsflash: If you want to find and build a relationship that will last for the rest of your lives, you have to try at least a little. You can't dare the universe to force a husband/wife and kids on you. Plenty of people end up married with children simply because of some kind of birth control failure. As a 20-something, I'm rightly terrified of that happening to me. My lifestyle is completely incompatible with children or long-term relationships. Even talking to happily married people who love their children, I feel like I'm talking to someone with Stockholm syndrome. They say they're happy, they act like they're happy, but I still think I would be miserable in their shoes.

ccvannorman 12y ago
Happened to my parents. They were miserable for 14 years until they split. If I'd had a kid at their age, I'd have an 8 year old by now and my life would be shitty too. :/

UrMomReadsHN 12y ago

However I've seen plenty of people I know go through "suddenly married with kids and wondering what happened to my life." It happens plenty enough. Though I don't think your second point jived with your first very well (as I understand it). If you work hard toward a relationship that will last the rest of your life you aren't going to wonder "what happened to my life," it is going to be a deliberate thought out process toward a mutual goal(s) with plenty of communication and mutual respect for each other's wants and needs at the current moment. The "what happened to my life" crew ended up slowly sliding into their life without fully realizing what was going on until it happened. Or let their partner exert excess pressure into their life decisions without open communication and mutual respect for one and other. Maybe even mistakes such as accidental pregnancy. Also the changing environment you are in - when all your friends start moving towards something you may be just following the crowd because "that's just what you do" rather than completely wanting to do it. I've seen some people just get married for the sake of marriage because "that's what you do" without really picking someone they have long term potential with. I would also argue if you are experiencing a "what happened to my life" moment, you are unhappy with your relationship and what is either is or has become and don't want the relationship to last the rest of your life. "Wondering what happened to my life" is perhaps the cause of many divorces.