6 ms·

Some advice: Don't begin with "Hey, what do you do?" Get to know the person first before asking about what they're working on.

PebblesRox 17y ago
Why?
- jf 17y ago
  In my experience, that question is an awkward one for a surprising number of people. For some this question is awkward because they are looking for work or don't need to work. For others, this question implies that all you care about them is what they "do". At the moment, I'm asking people "So, how do you stay busy?". This question has been the start of far more interesting conversations than "So, what do you do?".
  - stanleydrew 17y ago
    "What do you do?" is better than "Where do you work?" or worse, "Where did you go to school?", which are common among many people in professions like law.
    - aziari 17y ago
      My general rule of thumb with meeting new people is just to be genuinely interested in learning about them. Even if you're asking the "what do you do" question, the authenticity you deliver the question with will make all the difference.
      - jf 17y ago
        Good point on the authenticity aziari. I agree, it makes all the difference. Anything I can say beyond that is just repeating part of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" (An excellent and timeless book, despite the title, which didn't stand the test of time)
- spencerfry 17y ago
  Because you should get to know someone. And people are not defined entirely by what they do. That'll come in time and you'll get to that topic.
  - swolchok 17y ago
    And people are not defined entirely by what they do. I would expect that entrepreneurs are one of the communities that is very likely to disagree with you.
    - spencerfry 17y ago
      That's what you might think at first. And that's exactly what I perceived to be the case. But as someone who frequents 2-3 networking (tech/startup related) events a week in NYC for the past three years, that's actually not true at all. We want to talk about things outside of our daily grind first i.e. our hobbies, where we like to eat, what we do in our off time, etc., and where/what we work on will work its way in with time. Why the rush? You're (hopefully) trying to make a friend not pitch a random stranger that will forget you the next day if all they hear about is your company. You don't have to believe me, but I went from knowing nobody in the NYC tech community three years ago to knowing everyone. My initial approach was going up to people and asking "Hey, I'm Spencer, what do you do?" and playing the whole back-and-forth like a recorded conversation. That gets you a routine glazed over eyed response. I then started getting to know people and them getting to know me and everything flipped and I've now made dozens of friends for life where we now get together outside of work, go to each other's birthdays, know each other's girlfriends/boyfriends, go on vacations together, etc. And this all changed when the conversation shifted to being more about the people than only what we did for a living.
- PebblesRox 17y ago
  Would "What do you like to do?" be a better question?
prawn 17y ago
"So, got any pets?" ;)
- spencerfry 17y ago
  You're joking, but that'd be more affective genuinely delivered than "So, what do you do?"

PebblesRox 17y ago

Why?

jf 17y ago
In my experience, that question is an awkward one for a surprising number of people. For some this question is awkward because they are looking for work or don't need to work. For others, this question implies that all you care about them is what they "do". At the moment, I'm asking people "So, how do you stay busy?". This question has been the start of far more interesting conversations than "So, what do you do?".
- stanleydrew 17y ago
  "What do you do?" is better than "Where do you work?" or worse, "Where did you go to school?", which are common among many people in professions like law.
  - aziari 17y ago
    My general rule of thumb with meeting new people is just to be genuinely interested in learning about them. Even if you're asking the "what do you do" question, the authenticity you deliver the question with will make all the difference.
    - jf 17y ago
      Good point on the authenticity aziari. I agree, it makes all the difference. Anything I can say beyond that is just repeating part of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" (An excellent and timeless book, despite the title, which didn't stand the test of time)
spencerfry 17y ago
Because you should get to know someone. And people are not defined entirely by what they do. That'll come in time and you'll get to that topic.
- swolchok 17y ago
  And people are not defined entirely by what they do. I would expect that entrepreneurs are one of the communities that is very likely to disagree with you.
  - spencerfry 17y ago
    That's what you might think at first. And that's exactly what I perceived to be the case. But as someone who frequents 2-3 networking (tech/startup related) events a week in NYC for the past three years, that's actually not true at all. We want to talk about things outside of our daily grind first i.e. our hobbies, where we like to eat, what we do in our off time, etc., and where/what we work on will work its way in with time. Why the rush? You're (hopefully) trying to make a friend not pitch a random stranger that will forget you the next day if all they hear about is your company. You don't have to believe me, but I went from knowing nobody in the NYC tech community three years ago to knowing everyone. My initial approach was going up to people and asking "Hey, I'm Spencer, what do you do?" and playing the whole back-and-forth like a recorded conversation. That gets you a routine glazed over eyed response. I then started getting to know people and them getting to know me and everything flipped and I've now made dozens of friends for life where we now get together outside of work, go to each other's birthdays, know each other's girlfriends/boyfriends, go on vacations together, etc. And this all changed when the conversation shifted to being more about the people than only what we did for a living.
PebblesRox 17y ago
Would "What do you like to do?" be a better question?

prawn 17y ago

"So, got any pets?" ;)

spencerfry 17y ago
You're joking, but that'd be more affective genuinely delivered than "So, what do you do?"