Probably like many of you I mostly hang out around middle class, highly involved parents. But sometimes I find myself around other parents who are not as invol

Probably like many of you I mostly hang out around middle class, highly involved parents. But sometimes I find myself around other parents who are not as involved. I think those other parents don't see themselves as the primary impact on their children; they probably don't see themselves as the primary impact even on their own lives. Among my peer group there are kids with learning problems and disabilities and all sorts of things. And the parents are watching and notice these problems, and work hard to resolve the problems, and reach out (and know how to reach out) for help. Among those other parents many kids are fine, and will develop quite normally, but there are also kids with learning problems, disabilities, health problems – things that won't just be fine without intervention. And I've repeatedly seen those other parents just not notice, to resign themselves (and thus their children) to these limits. With this in mind I've realized a lot of rules and materials aren't directed towards me or my peers. These "what your children should know by kindergarten" lists are mostly to catch the kids who are in real trouble, but their parents haven't noticed. (The parents who notice don't particularly need extra reminders that they need to give their children extra help.) A lot of programming and structure is intended to make up for a lack of structure for this particular group of kids. The involved parents of course always make this about themselves (and me too). Because we're involved, because we're constantly asking "should I worry about this?", because we believe we can make a difference through our effort. So the interventions intended to bring up one set of kids instead get applied – and applied most vigorously! – to an entirely different set of kids that probably didn't need any of it. And then we go on boards and talk about these lists and are shocked at how limited the expectations of a 4-year-old are (because the lists are intended only to catch kids in trouble) and we start to brag about our kids because we're trying so hard to do the right thing and it's never clear if we are.