4 ms·

The unconditional love thing... Times +Inf... I'm a pretty result-driven person myself, but can't think of anything better to teach my kids than to know they'r

The unconditional love thing... Times +Inf... I'm a pretty result-driven person myself, but can't think of anything better to teach my kids than to know they're loved whatever they do.

Strom 12y ago
Unconditional love is such a weird concept to me. I definitely wouldn't continue loving my child if she killed my other child on purpose. (Out of jealousy perhaps)
- seren 12y ago
  Even if you're example is a bit extreme, I am pretty sure that a 4 years old has not the maturity to understand the far-reaching consequences of such dire actions. Understand that it is bad yes, understand that it is definitive no. This is also why depending on the jurisdiction and their age, minor are judged according to special laws. And I am not sure a place exists where a 4 years old would be put on trial.
- bulte-rs 12y ago
  So would you start hating the killer or start hating yourself for not teaching good vs bad. Plus - considering the other comment - the concept of permanency is - at least in my very short experience - a difficult concept for a toddler.
  - Strom 12y ago
    I don't think I would go from love to hate, as I've never hated anyone. It's just that my love would be lost. As for a toddler not understanding permanency, that may be. However I don't really subscribe to the idea of claiming something is true (e.g. unconditional love), and then later amending it when permanency is more fully grasped. Similarly, I'm clear from the very beginning that Santa Claus is a fairy tale. I want my children to trust me, and in my eyes trust isn't earned by lying, even when the reason is ageism.
    - bulte-rs 12y ago
      Thanks for the insights! I think you phrased it more like I actually think about it. You're absolutely right about 'instilling a bond of trust'.
- claar 12y ago
  The lack of unconditional love is such a weird concept to me. At least in my case, it's not revocable; I couldn't stop loving them even if I wanted to. And yes, that includes your hypothetical extreme example. My children will still be my beloved children regardless of their actions.
- MichaelGG 12y ago
  I've thought about that, having multiple kids and having lost one. My prediction is that I still would love the murderous child. It's rather surprising how strong my emotions are to my little girls for no conscious reason.
xorcist 12y ago
In my opinion that's a bit creepy. A child who is loved unconditionally can never understand unconditional love. You can never see what's always there, such as the air we breathe. You can only understand it by logic and that's not until your teenage years, at the earliest. How could a toddler possibly understand love? Edit: To clarity, of course you should love your children, unconditionally. But to teach them what unconditional love is, at an early age? Really?
- bulte-rs 12y ago
  The concept of love would be hard to convey, but the fact that dad (and/or mom) won't stay mad, will give them food, will put them into a warm bed, etc. is something you - imo - can teach them.

The unconditional love thing... Times +Inf... I'm a pretty result-driven person myself, but can't think of anything better to teach my kids than to know they're loved whatever they do.

Strom 12y ago

Unconditional love is such a weird concept to me. I definitely wouldn't continue loving my child if she killed my other child on purpose. (Out of jealousy perhaps)

seren 12y ago
Even if you're example is a bit extreme, I am pretty sure that a 4 years old has not the maturity to understand the far-reaching consequences of such dire actions. Understand that it is bad yes, understand that it is definitive no. This is also why depending on the jurisdiction and their age, minor are judged according to special laws. And I am not sure a place exists where a 4 years old would be put on trial.
bulte-rs 12y ago
So would you start hating the killer or start hating yourself for not teaching good vs bad. Plus - considering the other comment - the concept of permanency is - at least in my very short experience - a difficult concept for a toddler.
- Strom 12y ago
  I don't think I would go from love to hate, as I've never hated anyone. It's just that my love would be lost. As for a toddler not understanding permanency, that may be. However I don't really subscribe to the idea of claiming something is true (e.g. unconditional love), and then later amending it when permanency is more fully grasped. Similarly, I'm clear from the very beginning that Santa Claus is a fairy tale. I want my children to trust me, and in my eyes trust isn't earned by lying, even when the reason is ageism.
  - bulte-rs 12y ago
    Thanks for the insights! I think you phrased it more like I actually think about it. You're absolutely right about 'instilling a bond of trust'.
claar 12y ago
The lack of unconditional love is such a weird concept to me. At least in my case, it's not revocable; I couldn't stop loving them even if I wanted to. And yes, that includes your hypothetical extreme example. My children will still be my beloved children regardless of their actions.
MichaelGG 12y ago
I've thought about that, having multiple kids and having lost one. My prediction is that I still would love the murderous child. It's rather surprising how strong my emotions are to my little girls for no conscious reason.

xorcist 12y ago

In my opinion that's a bit creepy. A child who is loved unconditionally can never understand unconditional love. You can never see what's always there, such as the air we breathe. You can only understand it by logic and that's not until your teenage years, at the earliest. How could a toddler possibly understand love? Edit: To clarity, of course you should love your children, unconditionally. But to teach them what unconditional love is, at an early age? Really?

bulte-rs 12y ago
The concept of love would be hard to convey, but the fact that dad (and/or mom) won't stay mad, will give them food, will put them into a warm bed, etc. is something you - imo - can teach them.