5 ms·

> "do you think I'm really smart?" Before the age of understanding: "In our house, instead of saying, 'you're really smart,' we say, 'you practiced a lot.'" A

> "do you think I'm really smart?" Before the age of understanding: "In our house, instead of saying, 'you're really smart,' we say, 'you practiced a lot.'" After the age of understanding: "We try not to say 'you're smart.' Let me show you why." Then you do a web search for [praise hard work not intelligence]; the first link is Mueller and Dweck's meta study, which has a very accessible abstract. BTW, the rule is reversed when it comes to moral traits. "You're so honest" works better than "you behaved honestly," and specifically "don't be a cheater" works better than "don't cheat." http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/opinion/sunday/raising-a-moral-child.html?_r=0 http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/opinion/sunday/raising-a-m...

CMCDragonkai 12y ago
We are what we do right?
- ivanca 12y ago
  No, it just works better as a reinforcement saying it that way. You want them to keep an attitude by making it a part of who they are (e.g. _you are_ honest), but with intelligence is different, you always want them to become smarter than they already are.
  - CMCDragonkai 12y ago
    I'm sure there are degrees of honesty as there are degrees in intelligence.
- InclinedPlane 12y ago
  Close. We will have been what we will have done. But that is slightly different. We are not passive components. Intent and frame of mind matters because it impacts future actions.
  - mkempe 12y ago
    Here is what Aristotle had to say on virtue: "the virtue of a man [is] the state of character which makes a man good and which makes him do his own work well." [1] Hence we should praise the state of character, not just the ability to reach and maintain that state. [1] Nicomachean Ethics, book 2, chapter 6 (http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.2.ii.html http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.2.ii.html)
kaoD 12y ago
> Before the age of understanding: "In our house, instead of saying, 'you're really smart,' we say, 'you practiced a lot.'" Why not "you are smart because you practiced a lot"? Wouldn't that encourage practicing? I would follow with how you aren't just smart, but smart in some areas, and the more you practice in those (and other areas) the more smart you'll become.

CMCDragonkai 12y ago

We are what we do right?

ivanca 12y ago
No, it just works better as a reinforcement saying it that way. You want them to keep an attitude by making it a part of who they are (e.g. _you are_ honest), but with intelligence is different, you always want them to become smarter than they already are.
- CMCDragonkai 12y ago
  I'm sure there are degrees of honesty as there are degrees in intelligence.
InclinedPlane 12y ago
Close. We will have been what we will have done. But that is slightly different. We are not passive components. Intent and frame of mind matters because it impacts future actions.
- mkempe 12y ago
  Here is what Aristotle had to say on virtue: "the virtue of a man [is] the state of character which makes a man good and which makes him do his own work well." [1] Hence we should praise the state of character, not just the ability to reach and maintain that state. [1] Nicomachean Ethics, book 2, chapter 6 (http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.2.ii.html http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.2.ii.html)

kaoD 12y ago

> Before the age of understanding: "In our house, instead of saying, 'you're really smart,' we say, 'you practiced a lot.'" Why not "you are smart because you practiced a lot"? Wouldn't that encourage practicing? I would follow with how you aren't just smart, but smart in some areas, and the more you practice in those (and other areas) the more smart you'll become.