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Eye Contact - The Invisible Grip
- lesterbuck 17y agoThere is quite a body of knowledge about eye contact when applied to hacking women. Viz. the original experiments by David Shade: http://www.fastseduction.com/youarenew/eyecontact.shtml http://www.fastseduction.com/youarenew/eyecontact.shtml - Jeans Joe's manual on eye contact mastery: http://www.jeansjoe.net/blog/?p=14 http://www.jeansjoe.net/blog/?p=14 - Joseph W. South podcasts with Jeans Joe about eye contact: http://www.jeansjoe.net/download/jws.and.jj.-.eye.contact.podcasts.zip http://www.jeansjoe.net/download/jws.and.jj.-.eye.contact.po...
- endlessvoid94 17y agoThis is true, every word. I can absolutely vouch for what this says. It's quite startling the first few times you try it. Then it gets fun. It's easy to push it too far.
- dattaway 17y agoEye contact alone is golden. With no words offered from me, the car salesman negotiated the price of our new car down and double the trade in of our old car.
- DTrejo 17y agoSo after his initial offer you remained silent and held eye contact, then he continued to give you a more favorable deal?
- tricky 17y agoI do this every time I'm buying things with negotiable prices. My trick is to not use any eye contact until negotiation time. The surprise throws most people off their game enough to give you an advantage. Plus, it is kind of fun watching someone talk themself out of money. FYI, it doesn't work every time, typically there will be an awkward silence and I'll have to throw out an offer.
- blasdel 17y agoHe leaves out one of the most important parts -- the slight nod of understanding that follows the eye-contact. You have to acknowledge that something was communicated. Works even better in Japan! Now that's a society that understands non-verbal acknowledgment -- even from a foreign 16-year-old.
- aerique 17y agoPro tip: practise on babies first.
- alanthonyc 17y agoJust curious: what's with all the esquire.com articles?
- zaidf 17y agoI was going to say. They seem to have figured out how to milk pop psychology. I say that as someone who can't resist clicking on these articles.
- weaksauce 17y agoI think it is has a couple factors. First, a guy who found a site that does not have a lot of articles from it that are submitted and someone who found that the esquire is a major booster of karma.(I guess it matters to some people) Secondly, on the weekends it only takes a few up-votes for a story to reach the front page.
- philwelch 17y agoAll the stories were submitted by the same guy, a 3 day old account who's also submitted fastcompany, popularmechanics, and similar sites.
- coglethorpe 17y agoAre all those magazines published by the same company?
- philwelch 17y agoEsquire and Popular Mechanics are published by Hearst, but that's the only commonality, and enough IMO to be a coincidence.
- chaosmachine 17y agoI read this when it was first published in 2006. It's a bit strange to say, but it actually had a significant impact on my life and how I interact with people.
- sage_joch 17y agoIt comes across as hostile ("I thought of it as a kind of dominance, holding them in the kind of invisible grip you might have once seen employed by a villain in a DC comic...", etc). Am I interpreting this incorrectly? Can you elaborate on the impact it's had on your interactions?
- potatolicious 17y agoI'll let you know; I've noticed the phenomenon but never put it to use myself. I will do so over the next few weeks. One thing the article isn't clear on: is the author simply staring down the other person (i.e. eye contact with no words), or is he simply maintaining eye contact while speaking to them? If the former I'd certainly think that's hostile, if the latter... well.
- mhb 17y agoIsn't this a bit of a false dichotomy? There's a middle ground between being hostile and sociable. People playing a game generally aren't hostile but they do want to win. One might want to use eye contact to achieve some end result without wishing the other person ill - which a claim of hostility would connote.
- JshWright 17y agoHis description makes it seem like a tool for ill, but I've found it to be very useful for positive effects as well. I work in emergency services (Fire/EMS), and eye contact is an amazingly effective way to calm someone down. Make eye contact, slow your own breathing down, speak calmly and firmly. I've seen very few panicky people who were "immune" to this. Like the article describes, making solid eye contact seems to break someone out of the moment and get them to focus on you. What you do after that is what determines how "hostile" you're being.
- korch 17y agoIt's funny that "The National Association of Staredown Professionals" mentioned at the bottom of the article is a real organization. I wonder what their meetings are like?
- pavs 17y agoThey all blankly stare at each other...
- Hexstream 17y agoOh gosh. I searched for it on wikipedia and when it wasn't found I thought: "Yeah, I should have known that it's a joke". I should really get out of this "If it's not on wikipedia, it doesn't exist" mindset. I should at least make a google search next time...