4 ms·

"But when he really did ask if he and a couple of buddies could have a few beers at my house, I just said no. No follow-up, no prevarication, no buddying up for

"But when he really did ask if he and a couple of buddies could have a few beers at my house, I just said no. No follow-up, no prevarication, no buddying up for a sympathy injection." While I see the purpose of a clear 'No', in some cases, it just seems like it's rather jerkish even if said in a nice tone. How hard is it to say instead, "No, and that is final; my reason is such and such, just so that you know"? I know that I would be accepting of the latter answer, but questioning of a pure "No", since it would seem as though he was just being instantly judgemental.

DanielStraight 17y ago
The problem with "No, because..." is that it leaves the question open, especially when the person saying "no" is trying to be especially polite. Suppose the father said, "No, I wouldn't be comfortable with that." Well, when he's not there, he can't be uncomfortable, so it's ok. Suppose he said, "No, it's illegal." Well, smoking is legal at a younger age, so that must be ok. Speeding is illegal so when the son sees the father speeding, he'll have to conclude that his father is being unfair since he breaks the law but expects his son to follow it. "No" with a condition leaves the expectation that when the conditioned is changed, the answer will also change. "No" by itself is straightforward and can't lead to false expectations.
DougBTX 17y ago
Read to the end of the article, context matters.
ilyak 17y ago
If I would his kid, I wouldn't ask the next time. Чем унижаться и просить, лучше спиздить и молчать. Especially when you've got a parent who really believes in drinking age. Duh, I have a bridge to sell.
rotw 17y ago
True. The guy who brought his kids up with a proper understanding of rhetoric definitely did a better educational job. The kids of Dr. No, however, will grow up being people who can't express themselves, and inevitably provoke conflict by being obstinate and seeing themselves mostly in the right because of their authority. They will not value reason.
- DanielStraight 17y ago
  I might be inclined to think that someone who can't give a straight answer is going to have trouble expressing himself.

DanielStraight 17y ago

The problem with "No, because..." is that it leaves the question open, especially when the person saying "no" is trying to be especially polite. Suppose the father said, "No, I wouldn't be comfortable with that." Well, when he's not there, he can't be uncomfortable, so it's ok. Suppose he said, "No, it's illegal." Well, smoking is legal at a younger age, so that must be ok. Speeding is illegal so when the son sees the father speeding, he'll have to conclude that his father is being unfair since he breaks the law but expects his son to follow it. "No" with a condition leaves the expectation that when the conditioned is changed, the answer will also change. "No" by itself is straightforward and can't lead to false expectations.

DougBTX 17y ago

Read to the end of the article, context matters.

ilyak 17y ago

If I would his kid, I wouldn't ask the next time. Чем унижаться и просить, лучше спиздить и молчать. Especially when you've got a parent who really believes in drinking age. Duh, I have a bridge to sell.

rotw 17y ago

True. The guy who brought his kids up with a proper understanding of rhetoric definitely did a better educational job. The kids of Dr. No, however, will grow up being people who can't express themselves, and inevitably provoke conflict by being obstinate and seeing themselves mostly in the right because of their authority. They will not value reason.

DanielStraight 17y ago
I might be inclined to think that someone who can't give a straight answer is going to have trouble expressing himself.