5 ms·

Is it too much to require at least a summary reading of the article before posting comments? There was no marriage involved between the two main characters of t

Is it too much to require at least a summary reading of the article before posting comments? There was no marriage involved between the two main characters of the story.

sampo 12y ago
Perhaps /u/junto is from a less liberal culture, and just assumed that if a man and a woman live together and have a baby, they are married even if the article didn't say that.
- S4M 12y ago
  In the article, it says: "Bob claimed to be philosophically opposed to marriage; Jacqui was fine with that." so I suppose they didn't get married at all.
  - yebyen 12y ago
    The people who came to my engagement party this weekend and said they don't believe in marriage as a public statement to family, friends, and everyone, about making a permanent commitment (for themselves) are the same people who are the only ones not really asking prying questions about "setting a date," which I really appreciate, since that's between me and my other half, and at the same time I feel like I can know that they are supportive of my engagement. I'm not sure what it means to be "philosophically opposed" to marriage in and of itself. I guess it's more self-explanatory in the context of this story though, certainly always in hindsight or with perfect information.
    - dllthomas 12y ago
      Since you will presumably be asking these people to adjust their own plans once you do set a date, some interest seems entirely appropriate and characterising it as a purely private matter ("that's between me and my other half") uncharitable. Which is not to say that all forms of query on the topic are appropriate, or that repetition across many of even appropriate queries mightn't get annoying.
      - yebyen 12y ago
        Of course. The point was not about my own situation, but to draw the nearest analogy to "don't believe in marriage" at all that I had at hand. I am really less upset about the people who are asking the question than I may have made it out to sound. It's very important (and would conversely be missed if missing) to have family and friends who are interested, even if they are all asking the same question where it might feel like pressure that we just don't want to have right now.
        dllthomas 12y ago
        Right - just trying to help keep things in perspective. Congratulations, by the way! :)
        yebyen 12y ago
        Thank you! :)
    - S4M 12y ago
      In this article, my guess is that Bob said to be "philosophically opposed" to marriage to avoid marrying Jaqui, the real reason behind that is that it would leave a trail of official papers behind him, which is not something you want to do if you're an undercover investigating agent.
      - yebyen 12y ago
        Yes, clearly. I would be interested to hear such an argument from anyone who was not trying to conceal their identity as a secret agent (or anyone convincing enough who actually was still hiding this way, for that matter, but in the actual time before their outing and not in retrospect with that knowledge already revealed). Surely there must be such an argument, maybe this is too far off topic and not the place for it here.
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
knodi123 12y ago
Pardon the user for using the term "marriage" instead of "long-term relationship involving cohabitation, shared expenses, and raising children together". How clumsy of him to use a word that means "all of the above, plus formalized by the state."
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
- Chronic29 12y ago
  The term marriage should not be used in this context. The alternative you mentioned is a suitable option.
junto 12y ago
I did read the article from start to end. In the UK you can live as common law man and wife without a formal marriage. I used the term loosely. Regardless of semantics, the two lived together as partners and had a child together. My point was the partnership failed and that must have been hard. This whole process has had a profound effect on these people's lives. That was the point I was trying to make. I typed the comment quickly. I apologise if I offended anyone for the use of the word marriage without considering that many places in the world strictly limit the use of the word marriage to the act of standing in a church with a priest and saying 'I do'.
- dllthomas 12y ago
  "In the UK you can live as common law man and wife without a formal marriage." Per Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage#United_Kingdom http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage#United_King...), it seems that the term is common but it does not actually convey legal rights like common law marriage in the US. Of course, since we were discussing use of terms, that fact is of only tangential interest.
  - antimagic 12y ago
    Similar laws to those in the UK exist in Australia - a long-term couple that separates can, in the case of dispute when splitting common goods, be treated in a manner very similar to a divorce. Furthermore, I know that long-term relationships also bestow other rights on a couple, such as immigration rights (my brother's wife got her first long-term residency permit in Australia thanks to this, as she migrated before they were married).
    - DanBC 12y ago
      English law grants very few rights to people in a common law marriage. It's really important to correct the myth that common law marriage means anything because it really doesn't in England.
      - 12y ago

Is it too much to require at least a summary reading of the article before posting comments? There was no marriage involved between the two main characters of the story.

sampo 12y ago

Perhaps /u/junto is from a less liberal culture, and just assumed that if a man and a woman live together and have a baby, they are married even if the article didn't say that.

S4M 12y ago
In the article, it says: "Bob claimed to be philosophically opposed to marriage; Jacqui was fine with that." so I suppose they didn't get married at all.
- yebyen 12y ago
  The people who came to my engagement party this weekend and said they don't believe in marriage as a public statement to family, friends, and everyone, about making a permanent commitment (for themselves) are the same people who are the only ones not really asking prying questions about "setting a date," which I really appreciate, since that's between me and my other half, and at the same time I feel like I can know that they are supportive of my engagement. I'm not sure what it means to be "philosophically opposed" to marriage in and of itself. I guess it's more self-explanatory in the context of this story though, certainly always in hindsight or with perfect information.
  - dllthomas 12y ago
    Since you will presumably be asking these people to adjust their own plans once you do set a date, some interest seems entirely appropriate and characterising it as a purely private matter ("that's between me and my other half") uncharitable. Which is not to say that all forms of query on the topic are appropriate, or that repetition across many of even appropriate queries mightn't get annoying.
    - yebyen 12y ago
      Of course. The point was not about my own situation, but to draw the nearest analogy to "don't believe in marriage" at all that I had at hand. I am really less upset about the people who are asking the question than I may have made it out to sound. It's very important (and would conversely be missed if missing) to have family and friends who are interested, even if they are all asking the same question where it might feel like pressure that we just don't want to have right now.
      - dllthomas 12y ago
        Right - just trying to help keep things in perspective. Congratulations, by the way! :)
        yebyen 12y ago
        Thank you! :)
  - S4M 12y ago
    In this article, my guess is that Bob said to be "philosophically opposed" to marriage to avoid marrying Jaqui, the real reason behind that is that it would leave a trail of official papers behind him, which is not something you want to do if you're an undercover investigating agent.
    - yebyen 12y ago
      Yes, clearly. I would be interested to hear such an argument from anyone who was not trying to conceal their identity as a secret agent (or anyone convincing enough who actually was still hiding this way, for that matter, but in the actual time before their outing and not in retrospect with that knowledge already revealed). Surely there must be such an argument, maybe this is too far off topic and not the place for it here.
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]

knodi123 12y ago

Pardon the user for using the term "marriage" instead of "long-term relationship involving cohabitation, shared expenses, and raising children together". How clumsy of him to use a word that means "all of the above, plus formalized by the state."

deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
Chronic29 12y ago
The term marriage should not be used in this context. The alternative you mentioned is a suitable option.

junto 12y ago

I did read the article from start to end. In the UK you can live as common law man and wife without a formal marriage. I used the term loosely. Regardless of semantics, the two lived together as partners and had a child together. My point was the partnership failed and that must have been hard. This whole process has had a profound effect on these people's lives. That was the point I was trying to make. I typed the comment quickly. I apologise if I offended anyone for the use of the word marriage without considering that many places in the world strictly limit the use of the word marriage to the act of standing in a church with a priest and saying 'I do'.

dllthomas 12y ago
"In the UK you can live as common law man and wife without a formal marriage." Per Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage#United_Kingdom http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage#United_King...), it seems that the term is common but it does not actually convey legal rights like common law marriage in the US. Of course, since we were discussing use of terms, that fact is of only tangential interest.
- antimagic 12y ago
  Similar laws to those in the UK exist in Australia - a long-term couple that separates can, in the case of dispute when splitting common goods, be treated in a manner very similar to a divorce. Furthermore, I know that long-term relationships also bestow other rights on a couple, such as immigration rights (my brother's wife got her first long-term residency permit in Australia thanks to this, as she migrated before they were married).
  - DanBC 12y ago
    English law grants very few rights to people in a common law marriage. It's really important to correct the myth that common law marriage means anything because it really doesn't in England.
    - 12y ago