You're not alone - this happened to all parent with very young children that I know, whether both work or not. Keep struggling, it gets better. I have one son,

You're not alone - this happened to all parent with very young children that I know, whether both work or not. Keep struggling, it gets better. I have one son, now 3 years old and a spouse who is also a coder. Here's how we did it: When son was born, my spouse took 6 months off work whilst I continued to work full time. We were exhausted, house was a mess, lawn not mown etc. It was HARD, but we coped. Mum got to take a couple of short holidays, which helped her a lot. At 6 months, Mum went back to work 2 days/week, with son attending childcare on those days. These are long days for us and son but great for his socialisation, learning etc. Mum gets to have an adult conversation and exercise her brain. House/lawn still a mess. At 12 months, son started crawling. We had to learn to tidy up just to get the dangerous/breakable things out of his reach. Lawn still a mess, house is a little bit better. At 2 years, son started walking (late developer, I know). He can now follow around the house as we do simple chores, but he also learned how to switch off the vacuum. At 2.5 years, he is happy playing on his own just knowing that one of us is nearby. Mum & I can now tag team on weekends, she cleans whilst I sit with him or I mow the lawn whilst she reads him a story. House & lawn start to recover but we can't take on big projects. At 3 years, son is potty trained. Words cannot describe just how awesome this is: we can go places, we can do activities, we can be people again! Mum still works just two days/week but also has a side business and volunteers for some committees, flexibility is still very important. Son has childcare, kindergym, swimming lessons, early learning so lots of variety and learning opportunities. There have been some low points (kids get sick), but also small victories to celebrate.