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I think any smart conversation should start, at least, on the second question. A "How are you?" and "What's your name?" are great first questions. Don't bother
by soneca 12y ago
I think any smart conversation should start, at least, on the second question. A "How are you?" and "What's your name?" are great first questions. Don't bother finding very clever alternatives. But pay attention to how people respond to it. You can sense if they are in a hurry, worried about other things, not interested at all in you as a person, etc. In these cases, just leave it. Not every conversation must be the most smart and productive one. And not every person is worthy your effort (specially those don't even bother to look at you when you are talking).
But if there is room, then you can start with clever, original questions. But the second question, should also sounds friendly, not creepy. The best way to do this I think it is to make a subtle compliment.
A try might be "You look like an artist,what kind of artist are you? I would guess painter/singer/writer".
Or funny self-awareness "Do you think people who make small talk with strangers are annoying?".
Then you assess again the reactions... and hopefully a smarter conversation begins.
- darkmighty 12y agoSmalltalk is often smalltalk because we don't want to waste mental bandwidth with the conversation and yet don't want to offend. I agree that probing this state is exactly why we should use brand conversation starters, unless you are clearly in a position where you might want to talk. That's probably difficult to see for a comedian, since he's never wasting mental bandwidth with conversations -- it's the thing they do!
- seba_dos1 12y ago"(specially those don't even bother to look at you when you are talking)" I often look mostly at the floor or at the sky when listening or talking to someone. It usually helps me to concentrate on the content of the conversation - and I noticed that I do that during the most engaging and interesting rather than the most boring ones.
- soneca 12y agoI used it as a proxy. It is easier to notice than to describe both when someone don't want to talk to you in that particular moment or when someone don't really care about you as a person. I am not the kind of guy that looks in the eyes when talking either, but I think there is a kind of not looking that demonstrate you are concentrated on the conversation and a kind of not looking that demonstrate that you are a fly annoying the person.