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>“When I wanted to flap, I’d put my hands in my pockets. I think I came up with that on my own. It was frustrating for those two years. It was like smiling and

>“When I wanted to flap, I’d put my hands in my pockets. I think I came up with that on my own. It was frustrating for those two years. It was like smiling and then someone telling you that you shouldn’t smile, that smiling was wrong. Remembering to put my hands in my pockets made me less excited because I had to think about it so much. But as time goes on, you get in the habit. So by the time I was 10 or 11, I wasn’t even feeling the urge to flap.” I didn't understand what flapping was until I read your comment and searched the op for clarification. Coming across the above quote was...I'm not sure what it was. I do feel a bit more sad about the situation after reading it though. Please (and I recognize this is likely moot as you seem quite aware) consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be.

cgio 12y ago
Unfortunately, and as I share in my other post I have some experience in this, a parent's consideration of "normal" is not enough. One of the most poignant moments is when a child's behaviour is made fun of in a social environment like the playground. When this happens as you observe your child trying to build the first primal social bridges, you feel a little trapped, as there is no party at fault on this exchange. Children can be brutal, but this is part of their childness. As an Asperger's myself, I have clear memories of trying to add curves to my movements to make them more normal, because I observed someone dancing badly. It was around the same age, so I guess it could be a developmental aspect in regions of the spectrum and not so much due to the specific reason assigned.
- deleted 12y ago
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craigching 12y ago
> I didn't understand what flapping was Right! I'm assuming everyone knows what flapping is, but it's not obvious! It's literally flapping your hands in ... anticipation? excitement? sensory overload? I don't know, but I think my son does. > Please ... consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be. Yes, I put "normal" in quotes for a reason as I don't particularly care too much about "normal." For me and my son "happy" is more important than normal for the most part. But, there is a huge issue. I chose to have children later in life (I'm 43 right now and my son is 3). So there is pressure on me and my family to make sure that whatever happens that my son is cared for and kept happy. I can't guarantee that I can ensure he's financially taken care of after I'm gone. I hope that issue is far down the road and I hope it won't be an issue, but what if it is? Do I work on helping him to become "normal"? Or do I hope that I can provide for him no matter what? So do I make the decision at all costs to make sure he's provided for by becoming "normal" or do I dash that to the wind and hope I make enough money to provide for him when I'm gone, but keep him happy? There is a good reason to making sure that he can be productive in society at the cost of losing himself (if that's possible, no one knows that it is) vs. keeping who he is at all costs. Does that make sense? I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what, but that I want to make sure that he has a "good" life for the rest of his life. Hopefully this is all moot as he's doing very well with speech therapy and occupational therapy.
- obituary_latte 12y ago
  >I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what... Yes, that's very clear. I think considering who his father is, either way, he'll be just fine. I wish you both the best.

cgio 12y ago

Unfortunately, and as I share in my other post I have some experience in this, a parent's consideration of "normal" is not enough. One of the most poignant moments is when a child's behaviour is made fun of in a social environment like the playground. When this happens as you observe your child trying to build the first primal social bridges, you feel a little trapped, as there is no party at fault on this exchange. Children can be brutal, but this is part of their childness. As an Asperger's myself, I have clear memories of trying to add curves to my movements to make them more normal, because I observed someone dancing badly. It was around the same age, so I guess it could be a developmental aspect in regions of the spectrum and not so much due to the specific reason assigned.

deleted 12y ago
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craigching 12y ago

> I didn't understand what flapping was Right! I'm assuming everyone knows what flapping is, but it's not obvious! It's literally flapping your hands in ... anticipation? excitement? sensory overload? I don't know, but I think my son does. > Please ... consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be. Yes, I put "normal" in quotes for a reason as I don't particularly care too much about "normal." For me and my son "happy" is more important than normal for the most part. But, there is a huge issue. I chose to have children later in life (I'm 43 right now and my son is 3). So there is pressure on me and my family to make sure that whatever happens that my son is cared for and kept happy. I can't guarantee that I can ensure he's financially taken care of after I'm gone. I hope that issue is far down the road and I hope it won't be an issue, but what if it is? Do I work on helping him to become "normal"? Or do I hope that I can provide for him no matter what? So do I make the decision at all costs to make sure he's provided for by becoming "normal" or do I dash that to the wind and hope I make enough money to provide for him when I'm gone, but keep him happy? There is a good reason to making sure that he can be productive in society at the cost of losing himself (if that's possible, no one knows that it is) vs. keeping who he is at all costs. Does that make sense? I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what, but that I want to make sure that he has a "good" life for the rest of his life. Hopefully this is all moot as he's doing very well with speech therapy and occupational therapy.

obituary_latte 12y ago
>I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what... Yes, that's very clear. I think considering who his father is, either way, he'll be just fine. I wish you both the best.