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I debated posting this, but there is one part of the article that really resonated with me: I asked him if there was anything he missed about being autistic. “

I debated posting this, but there is one part of the article that really resonated with me: I asked him if there was anything he missed about being autistic. “I miss the excitement,” he said. “When I was little, pretty often I was the happiest a person could be. It was the ultimate joy, this rush in your entire body, and you can’t contain it. That went away when my sister started teasing me and I realized flapping wasn’t really acceptable. I have a son that "flaps" and we have been concerned about autism for about a year and a half now, since he turned two. He has some autism signs, but our developmental ped says not the classic signs. He can do eye contact, he is social, but he didn't speak, he did have the "daydream gaze." We've been doing speech therapy now since he turned 2 and we've added an additional speech therapist since he turned 3. His progress has been remarkable, I can have a real conversation with him sometimes (granted, I have to infer a lot, but it's huge from where he was!). He has issues "taking turns", waiting in lines for camel rides at the zoo or getting on the carousel is really hard for him. So, the flapping thing. My kid is great! I love him as he is! I want the best for him, I want him to be as "normal" as possible. But if he says what this kid says, that he was happier flapping, then I really hope he doesn't lose that. I love him as he is and I want nothing more for him than to be happy. We are extremely fortunate that he's not been diagnosed with debilitating autism and might have what's known as sensory perception disorder instead. But in the end, it doesn't matter, he's a great kid and he's happy and I want to keep it that way.

obituary_latte 12y ago
>“When I wanted to flap, I’d put my hands in my pockets. I think I came up with that on my own. It was frustrating for those two years. It was like smiling and then someone telling you that you shouldn’t smile, that smiling was wrong. Remembering to put my hands in my pockets made me less excited because I had to think about it so much. But as time goes on, you get in the habit. So by the time I was 10 or 11, I wasn’t even feeling the urge to flap.” I didn't understand what flapping was until I read your comment and searched the op for clarification. Coming across the above quote was...I'm not sure what it was. I do feel a bit more sad about the situation after reading it though. Please (and I recognize this is likely moot as you seem quite aware) consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be.
- cgio 12y ago
  Unfortunately, and as I share in my other post I have some experience in this, a parent's consideration of "normal" is not enough. One of the most poignant moments is when a child's behaviour is made fun of in a social environment like the playground. When this happens as you observe your child trying to build the first primal social bridges, you feel a little trapped, as there is no party at fault on this exchange. Children can be brutal, but this is part of their childness. As an Asperger's myself, I have clear memories of trying to add curves to my movements to make them more normal, because I observed someone dancing badly. It was around the same age, so I guess it could be a developmental aspect in regions of the spectrum and not so much due to the specific reason assigned.
  - deleted 12y ago
    [deleted]
- craigching 12y ago
  > I didn't understand what flapping was Right! I'm assuming everyone knows what flapping is, but it's not obvious! It's literally flapping your hands in ... anticipation? excitement? sensory overload? I don't know, but I think my son does. > Please ... consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be. Yes, I put "normal" in quotes for a reason as I don't particularly care too much about "normal." For me and my son "happy" is more important than normal for the most part. But, there is a huge issue. I chose to have children later in life (I'm 43 right now and my son is 3). So there is pressure on me and my family to make sure that whatever happens that my son is cared for and kept happy. I can't guarantee that I can ensure he's financially taken care of after I'm gone. I hope that issue is far down the road and I hope it won't be an issue, but what if it is? Do I work on helping him to become "normal"? Or do I hope that I can provide for him no matter what? So do I make the decision at all costs to make sure he's provided for by becoming "normal" or do I dash that to the wind and hope I make enough money to provide for him when I'm gone, but keep him happy? There is a good reason to making sure that he can be productive in society at the cost of losing himself (if that's possible, no one knows that it is) vs. keeping who he is at all costs. Does that make sense? I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what, but that I want to make sure that he has a "good" life for the rest of his life. Hopefully this is all moot as he's doing very well with speech therapy and occupational therapy.
bad_user 12y ago
Flapping happens due to the child's need for stimming. As the child grows, the nervous system matures and he'll feel less and less the need for it. Plus we all do it in one form or another, even if what we do is more socially acceptable - like nail bitting or gum chewing.

obituary_latte 12y ago

>“When I wanted to flap, I’d put my hands in my pockets. I think I came up with that on my own. It was frustrating for those two years. It was like smiling and then someone telling you that you shouldn’t smile, that smiling was wrong. Remembering to put my hands in my pockets made me less excited because I had to think about it so much. But as time goes on, you get in the habit. So by the time I was 10 or 11, I wasn’t even feeling the urge to flap.” I didn't understand what flapping was until I read your comment and searched the op for clarification. Coming across the above quote was...I'm not sure what it was. I do feel a bit more sad about the situation after reading it though. Please (and I recognize this is likely moot as you seem quite aware) consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be.

cgio 12y ago
Unfortunately, and as I share in my other post I have some experience in this, a parent's consideration of "normal" is not enough. One of the most poignant moments is when a child's behaviour is made fun of in a social environment like the playground. When this happens as you observe your child trying to build the first primal social bridges, you feel a little trapped, as there is no party at fault on this exchange. Children can be brutal, but this is part of their childness. As an Asperger's myself, I have clear memories of trying to add curves to my movements to make them more normal, because I observed someone dancing badly. It was around the same age, so I guess it could be a developmental aspect in regions of the spectrum and not so much due to the specific reason assigned.
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
craigching 12y ago
> I didn't understand what flapping was Right! I'm assuming everyone knows what flapping is, but it's not obvious! It's literally flapping your hands in ... anticipation? excitement? sensory overload? I don't know, but I think my son does. > Please ... consider what "normal" means and what its worth might be. Yes, I put "normal" in quotes for a reason as I don't particularly care too much about "normal." For me and my son "happy" is more important than normal for the most part. But, there is a huge issue. I chose to have children later in life (I'm 43 right now and my son is 3). So there is pressure on me and my family to make sure that whatever happens that my son is cared for and kept happy. I can't guarantee that I can ensure he's financially taken care of after I'm gone. I hope that issue is far down the road and I hope it won't be an issue, but what if it is? Do I work on helping him to become "normal"? Or do I hope that I can provide for him no matter what? So do I make the decision at all costs to make sure he's provided for by becoming "normal" or do I dash that to the wind and hope I make enough money to provide for him when I'm gone, but keep him happy? There is a good reason to making sure that he can be productive in society at the cost of losing himself (if that's possible, no one knows that it is) vs. keeping who he is at all costs. Does that make sense? I hope it's clear that I love him for who he is no matter what, but that I want to make sure that he has a "good" life for the rest of his life. Hopefully this is all moot as he's doing very well with speech therapy and occupational therapy.

bad_user 12y ago

Flapping happens due to the child's need for stimming. As the child grows, the nervous system matures and he'll feel less and less the need for it. Plus we all do it in one form or another, even if what we do is more socially acceptable - like nail bitting or gum chewing.