6 ms·

Being a new dad while working at a startup

37 points by jipiboily 12y ago

jipiboily 12y ago
Hey, I'm the dad from that blog post, feel free to ask questions :)
- delmarc 12y ago
  Hey man thanks for this post and sharing your story... as a father of 3(soon 4) people always are like "oh you have kids???" and think that it is almost always negative... In the end, we always have to do what we have to do for our kids and whether you are in retail or in a startup its always gonna be hard... but you and I seem to be brave enough to take on that task... It will be hard but it will also be alot of fun...
  - jipiboily 12y ago
    It's fun and there is a lot of love. Wow, 3 soon 4? Awesome and congrats on the new one!
- usefulcat 12y ago
  I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different about him. They change and learn so quickly that you could miss a lot in only a few days, let alone weeks or months.
  - jipiboily 12y ago
    This is so true. I didn't think it could be some fast. Some days she changes so much, it's impressive...new skills every now and then.
  - lygaret 12y ago
    My six week old daughter recently started to smile at me. Even knowing it's just mirroring my face, and there's not much in the way of consciousness there, I could have died happy...
    - rikkus 12y ago
      Same here, six week old daughter. Best feeling ever.
- lygaret 12y ago
  As a new dad (Mirah's six weeks today :)), congrats, and thanks for sharing!
  - jipiboily 12y ago
    Congrats to you! :)
delmarc 12y ago
I have 3 kids and about to have one more in a month... people in the tech world act like its so amazing and different... get over it... no matter if you work in retail or work in a shitty work/life balance startup, its the same thing... Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
  - delmarc 12y ago
    sarcasm is always upvoted... Thanks bro!!!
- jipiboily 12y ago
  I agree it's not more amazing than someone working anywhere else, but startups are often seen as non-sense as you need to work 80 hours a week to get shit done, we were trying to break that a bit and just tell "hey, it's possible, it's not that hard actually!" :)
  - delmarc 12y ago
    Correct the work/life is way offset but what about those people who need to work two jobs while their partner is also working... Lets be realistic, its hard no matter what job you have... anything is possible... its the stigma that is attached to having kids in the tech industry that is the reason why people need to read posts like this...
    - jipiboily 12y ago
      I agree and not, it's easier for some people, and harder for other. It is definitely harder for people with lower salaries who needs to have two jobs (I know some!). It is also easier, at least here in Quebec, for people that works, as an example, for government. They have a lot of vacations, work less hours per week, flexible hours, sick days, etc. I am glad I work @ Rainforest QA and to have so much flexibility, which makes it easier for me and my wife!
rayiner 12y ago
> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least. Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night. My dad once told me that, between my brother and I, he'd wake up in the middle of the night to check up on a kid for the better part of 10 years.
- jipiboily 12y ago
  It was every 1.5 - 2 hours for a while and it is still that often, sometimes she sleeps 4+ hours (she did that 3 or 4 times now)...kinda crazy. Good "luck"! Apparently the first 20 years are the worst...hehe ;)
  - delmarc 12y ago
    Try 22 years... cause they will be our responsibility for all the years in college and who knows how long after
    - pyre 12y ago
      Well, in the later years at least the micro-management portion is over. If they are at university, and you still need to argue with them about using the washroom rather than dancing around the room... ;-P
    - jipiboily 12y ago
      Oh yeah, I live in Quebec, things are a bit different, we can drink at 18, school is much, much cheaper too
- guard-of-terra 12y ago
  "My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.
pzaich 12y ago
As a soon-to-be dad (in the next few weeks), thanks for posting and sharing!
- jipiboily 12y ago
  Gladly, and congrats!!!
guard-of-terra 12y ago
I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me be wary of having kids. When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days. So naturally I don't understand why everybody is expected to drive children around and watch them constantly. Of course this doesn't apply to very small children who I'm in totall loss how to handle.
- jipiboily 12y ago
  New bord are effectively different, and I had no idea either how to handle them until day 1 of Sara. I even never changed a diaper before that day!
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
- tdicola 12y ago
  There's quite a difference between a 10 week old child and a 10 year old child.
- jcromartie 12y ago
  I'm absolutely fine with giving my kids space. That doesn't mean I don't want to be around to see them, though.
  - guard-of-terra 12y ago
    Well, my parents saw enough of me, I don't feel that I missed anything. There are evenings, there are vacations, all the things. It's just I didn't had a solid schedule of them helicoptering me daily.
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
thom 12y ago
I suppose one of the most relevant things as a geek with a new baby is that it's _very_ hard to be an introvert with a new family. It takes a lot of work and co-operation to find the time to be alone and recharge. Obviously it's really hard being on call 24 hours whoever you are, but I'd love to hear how other introverts managed once kids arrived!
wilsonfiifi 12y ago
My 9 month old son has 45min sleep cycles during the day so that doesn't leave much time to code after washing and sterilising his bottles and grabbing a quick bite myself! He doesn't always sleep into the next cycle by himself so I have to be by his crib to pat him and thats where my new workstation is lol! But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a nanny.
nkozyra 12y ago
I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old: Those first few months are brutal. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup). The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep a day for months, I'll take it. The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.
- rayiner 12y ago
  > The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else. I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.
- nkozyra 12y ago
  Another factor critical to success and sanity is having a partner that understands the demand and zeal that goes with having a startup. Which - I swear - is what I'll tell my wife the next time I say "I've gotta finish this" and she starts humming Cats in the Cradle softly.
gdubs 12y ago
We moved, I started working with a new startup, and we had a baby, all since January. She's four months old now, and I smiled reading this. I've decided that the single biggest thing to aim for as a new parent is to be flexible. People will tell you all sorts of things, and you'll have all sorts of ideas about how things will go, but in the end being flexible and willing to try new things is key.
rikkus 12y ago
One tip I can give: As soon as you start getting closer to a normal number of hours of sleep, get some exercise. You'll feel so much better.

37 points by jipiboily 12y ago

jipiboily 12y ago

Hey, I'm the dad from that blog post, feel free to ask questions :)

delmarc 12y ago
Hey man thanks for this post and sharing your story... as a father of 3(soon 4) people always are like "oh you have kids???" and think that it is almost always negative... In the end, we always have to do what we have to do for our kids and whether you are in retail or in a startup its always gonna be hard... but you and I seem to be brave enough to take on that task... It will be hard but it will also be alot of fun...
- jipiboily 12y ago
  It's fun and there is a lot of love. Wow, 3 soon 4? Awesome and congrats on the new one!
usefulcat 12y ago
I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different about him. They change and learn so quickly that you could miss a lot in only a few days, let alone weeks or months.
- jipiboily 12y ago
  This is so true. I didn't think it could be some fast. Some days she changes so much, it's impressive...new skills every now and then.
- lygaret 12y ago
  My six week old daughter recently started to smile at me. Even knowing it's just mirroring my face, and there's not much in the way of consciousness there, I could have died happy...
  - rikkus 12y ago
    Same here, six week old daughter. Best feeling ever.
lygaret 12y ago
As a new dad (Mirah's six weeks today :)), congrats, and thanks for sharing!
- jipiboily 12y ago
  Congrats to you! :)

delmarc 12y ago

I have 3 kids and about to have one more in a month... people in the tech world act like its so amazing and different... get over it... no matter if you work in retail or work in a shitty work/life balance startup, its the same thing... Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...

deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
- delmarc 12y ago
  sarcasm is always upvoted... Thanks bro!!!
jipiboily 12y ago
I agree it's not more amazing than someone working anywhere else, but startups are often seen as non-sense as you need to work 80 hours a week to get shit done, we were trying to break that a bit and just tell "hey, it's possible, it's not that hard actually!" :)
- delmarc 12y ago
  Correct the work/life is way offset but what about those people who need to work two jobs while their partner is also working... Lets be realistic, its hard no matter what job you have... anything is possible... its the stigma that is attached to having kids in the tech industry that is the reason why people need to read posts like this...
  - jipiboily 12y ago
    I agree and not, it's easier for some people, and harder for other. It is definitely harder for people with lower salaries who needs to have two jobs (I know some!). It is also easier, at least here in Quebec, for people that works, as an example, for government. They have a lot of vacations, work less hours per week, flexible hours, sick days, etc. I am glad I work @ Rainforest QA and to have so much flexibility, which makes it easier for me and my wife!

rayiner 12y ago

> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least. Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night. My dad once told me that, between my brother and I, he'd wake up in the middle of the night to check up on a kid for the better part of 10 years.

jipiboily 12y ago
It was every 1.5 - 2 hours for a while and it is still that often, sometimes she sleeps 4+ hours (she did that 3 or 4 times now)...kinda crazy. Good "luck"! Apparently the first 20 years are the worst...hehe ;)
- delmarc 12y ago
  Try 22 years... cause they will be our responsibility for all the years in college and who knows how long after
  - pyre 12y ago
    Well, in the later years at least the micro-management portion is over. If they are at university, and you still need to argue with them about using the washroom rather than dancing around the room... ;-P
  - jipiboily 12y ago
    Oh yeah, I live in Quebec, things are a bit different, we can drink at 18, school is much, much cheaper too
guard-of-terra 12y ago
"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

pzaich 12y ago

As a soon-to-be dad (in the next few weeks), thanks for posting and sharing!

jipiboily 12y ago
Gladly, and congrats!!!

guard-of-terra 12y ago

I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me be wary of having kids. When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days. So naturally I don't understand why everybody is expected to drive children around and watch them constantly. Of course this doesn't apply to very small children who I'm in totall loss how to handle.

jipiboily 12y ago
New bord are effectively different, and I had no idea either how to handle them until day 1 of Sara. I even never changed a diaper before that day!
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
tdicola 12y ago
There's quite a difference between a 10 week old child and a 10 year old child.
jcromartie 12y ago
I'm absolutely fine with giving my kids space. That doesn't mean I don't want to be around to see them, though.
- guard-of-terra 12y ago
  Well, my parents saw enough of me, I don't feel that I missed anything. There are evenings, there are vacations, all the things. It's just I didn't had a solid schedule of them helicoptering me daily.
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]

thom 12y ago

I suppose one of the most relevant things as a geek with a new baby is that it's _very_ hard to be an introvert with a new family. It takes a lot of work and co-operation to find the time to be alone and recharge. Obviously it's really hard being on call 24 hours whoever you are, but I'd love to hear how other introverts managed once kids arrived!

wilsonfiifi 12y ago

My 9 month old son has 45min sleep cycles during the day so that doesn't leave much time to code after washing and sterilising his bottles and grabbing a quick bite myself! He doesn't always sleep into the next cycle by himself so I have to be by his crib to pat him and thats where my new workstation is lol! But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a nanny.

nkozyra 12y ago

I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old: Those first few months are brutal. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup). The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep a day for months, I'll take it. The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.

rayiner 12y ago
> The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else. I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.
nkozyra 12y ago
Another factor critical to success and sanity is having a partner that understands the demand and zeal that goes with having a startup. Which - I swear - is what I'll tell my wife the next time I say "I've gotta finish this" and she starts humming Cats in the Cradle softly.

gdubs 12y ago

We moved, I started working with a new startup, and we had a baby, all since January. She's four months old now, and I smiled reading this. I've decided that the single biggest thing to aim for as a new parent is to be flexible. People will tell you all sorts of things, and you'll have all sorts of ideas about how things will go, but in the end being flexible and willing to try new things is key.

rikkus 12y ago

One tip I can give: As soon as you start getting closer to a normal number of hours of sleep, get some exercise. You'll feel so much better.