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Well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not about whether you're cool with it -- it's about whether everyone is cool with it. Just because you like dick jokes do

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not about whether you're cool with it -- it's about whether everyone is cool with it. Just because you like dick jokes doesn't mean that your female coworkers (or any of them, really) are comfortable with it. Since you can't speak for everyone, and some people can't speak up for themselves without making themselves targets, then it's your responsibility as a member of the team to make a judgment call: is this appropriate or not? If you decide it's inappropriate, you should say something. If you decide it's appropriate, don't. I'm not advocating censorship, but I am advocating that you should push back if someone's doing something offensive. Your female coworkers are probably more likely to go to HR or the CEO to complain (in a relatively safe manner) than to speak up in "public", especially amongst a bunch of men who think "it's just a joke" or "it's just banter." And I'm pretty sure we both agree that talking to HR can make the whole thing way worse.

tomp 12y ago
I disagree - maybe because I only perceive speech as "offensive" if it's directly insulting to a targeted person - which impersonal jokes (whether "dick jokes" or any other jokes) are not. In any case, I would rather err on the side of freedom, allow most communications (except insults, secrets, and whatever is illegal, such as hate speech), and rely on people to proactively say they are uncomfortable with something. I understand that not everyone wants that, but then again, I would prefer to not have to wear a suit to work, while others might. We just won't work together.
- Fomite 12y ago
  Have you ever asked the people who might be targeted by those jokes (women, minorities, etc.) if they feel comfortable with them? Keep in mind a joke about someone "like you" is easy to read as a comment about you.
  - tomp 12y ago
    I have. They might, or they might not. But instead of changing myself, or expecting them to change, I simply choose not to associate with them.
georgiapeach 12y ago
I find your pro-censorship position completely offensive and inappropriate and unacceptable, not just in the workplace, but anywhere in civilized society. What now?

tomp 12y ago

I disagree - maybe because I only perceive speech as "offensive" if it's directly insulting to a targeted person - which impersonal jokes (whether "dick jokes" or any other jokes) are not. In any case, I would rather err on the side of freedom, allow most communications (except insults, secrets, and whatever is illegal, such as hate speech), and rely on people to proactively say they are uncomfortable with something. I understand that not everyone wants that, but then again, I would prefer to not have to wear a suit to work, while others might. We just won't work together.

Fomite 12y ago
Have you ever asked the people who might be targeted by those jokes (women, minorities, etc.) if they feel comfortable with them? Keep in mind a joke about someone "like you" is easy to read as a comment about you.
- tomp 12y ago
  I have. They might, or they might not. But instead of changing myself, or expecting them to change, I simply choose not to associate with them.

georgiapeach 12y ago

I find your pro-censorship position completely offensive and inappropriate and unacceptable, not just in the workplace, but anywhere in civilized society. What now?