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I hardly agree with "Develop the skills and habits associated with extroversion". Why I need to be comfortable with social company if my predisposed nature and

by __Joker 12y ago

I hardly agree with "Develop the skills and habits associated with extroversion". Why I need to be comfortable with social company if my predisposed nature and comfortableness is to be alone ?

adamzerner 12y ago
Because you have a lot to gain by doing so. Humans are capable of deriving a lot of happiness from social matters, so there's a large opportunity cost to being alone. That said, it obviously depends on the person's situation. I don't think the advice is good for everyone. But it's probably good for most. Edit: I found http://www.succeedsocially.com/allarticles http://www.succeedsocially.com/allarticles to be really insightful and useful.
- ansible 12y ago
  There is also quite a difference between not choosing to socialize, vs. feeling depressed because you are not able to socialize successfully.
  - SonicSoul 12y ago
    not choosing to socialize may seem like a fine choice and not a source of depression in itself. But I think what the parent tried to say is that there is opportunity cost associated with such a decision. I need good amounts of solitude each week, which makes me an introvert i guess, but if there are no good interactions with other humans at all, my happiness dips noticeably. Having an option to meet with another human (and having a good interaction every so often) is a boost to the feeling of security, which I believe can help the feeling of happiness. For example If i do something awesome (or really dumb), I need to tell someone, and it needs to be someone that actually cares. Or the experience is not as good / might as well not have happened.
- ams6110 12y ago
  If you are a man, there is one thing that will solve the extroversion problem and that is to be able to talk about sports. It is the default subject of conversation for men who don't know each other, and if you can't talk about sports then you are awkwardly trying to find something to talk about 80% of the time.
- jasode 12y ago
  >, so there's a large opportunity cost to being alone. But for some personalities, there's a large opportunity cost when hanging out with others. Some people simply interface their optimal best with the world when they don't have to force themselves to socialize at whatever "normal" standards of frequent interaction expected by extroverts.
  - adamzerner 12y ago
    True. Definitely depends on the person.
gnoway 12y ago
You don't. This is another example of an extrovert assuming that introversion is just a circumstance that is both undesirable and fixable.
- kordless 12y ago
  Consider it may be an extrovert making an observation regarding the different states of joy, the emotion. While I certainly bring myself joy at times, I find it more easily found in the company of others, or in the presence of something new to me.
SyneRyder 12y ago
If you are already an introvert, developing the skills to be an extrovert will let you have the choice & flexibility to jump between the two whenever you want to. There's nothing wrong with feeling comfortable being alone (indeed that's a good skill to have, and not everyone has that). But there may come a time when you would like to be more extroverted occasionally & make more friends. If you don't build that skill now, you'll find it more difficult to be extroverted at the times when you need it.
- ansible 12y ago
  Agreed. I'd go further to say that if you are naturally extroverted, it would be worthwhile to develop some ability to feel comfortable while being alone. I know some people that go stir crazy when there is no one to interact with. That seems sub-optimal if you want to be truly happy.
napoleond 12y ago
I am an introvert who masquerades as an extrovert fairly well most of the time. There is, of course, nothing at all wrong with taking joy and comfort in being alone. However, it turns out that a lot of the factors which are correlated with happiness (the article points at love/relationship satisfaction and work satisfaction, for example) are easier to improve when adopting some of the skills and habits associated with extroversion. That doesn't mean learning to enjoy going to the club every night; it means learning how to make very good first impressions and getting along well with co-workers. If an introverted person is already satisfied with their life, then of course they don't "need" to be comfortable with social company, but this article seems to be written for people who are not as satisfied as they could be.
rwallace 12y ago
If you're alone and happy, you don't. If you're alone and unhappy, it's probably worth at least considering whether improving your social life might help.

by __Joker 12y ago

I hardly agree with "Develop the skills and habits associated with extroversion". Why I need to be comfortable with social company if my predisposed nature and comfortableness is to be alone ?

adamzerner 12y ago

Because you have a lot to gain by doing so. Humans are capable of deriving a lot of happiness from social matters, so there's a large opportunity cost to being alone. That said, it obviously depends on the person's situation. I don't think the advice is good for everyone. But it's probably good for most. Edit: I found http://www.succeedsocially.com/allarticles http://www.succeedsocially.com/allarticles to be really insightful and useful.

ansible 12y ago
There is also quite a difference between not choosing to socialize, vs. feeling depressed because you are not able to socialize successfully.
- SonicSoul 12y ago
  not choosing to socialize may seem like a fine choice and not a source of depression in itself. But I think what the parent tried to say is that there is opportunity cost associated with such a decision. I need good amounts of solitude each week, which makes me an introvert i guess, but if there are no good interactions with other humans at all, my happiness dips noticeably. Having an option to meet with another human (and having a good interaction every so often) is a boost to the feeling of security, which I believe can help the feeling of happiness. For example If i do something awesome (or really dumb), I need to tell someone, and it needs to be someone that actually cares. Or the experience is not as good / might as well not have happened.
ams6110 12y ago
If you are a man, there is one thing that will solve the extroversion problem and that is to be able to talk about sports. It is the default subject of conversation for men who don't know each other, and if you can't talk about sports then you are awkwardly trying to find something to talk about 80% of the time.
jasode 12y ago
>, so there's a large opportunity cost to being alone. But for some personalities, there's a large opportunity cost when hanging out with others. Some people simply interface their optimal best with the world when they don't have to force themselves to socialize at whatever "normal" standards of frequent interaction expected by extroverts.
- adamzerner 12y ago
  True. Definitely depends on the person.

gnoway 12y ago

You don't. This is another example of an extrovert assuming that introversion is just a circumstance that is both undesirable and fixable.

kordless 12y ago
Consider it may be an extrovert making an observation regarding the different states of joy, the emotion. While I certainly bring myself joy at times, I find it more easily found in the company of others, or in the presence of something new to me.

SyneRyder 12y ago

If you are already an introvert, developing the skills to be an extrovert will let you have the choice & flexibility to jump between the two whenever you want to. There's nothing wrong with feeling comfortable being alone (indeed that's a good skill to have, and not everyone has that). But there may come a time when you would like to be more extroverted occasionally & make more friends. If you don't build that skill now, you'll find it more difficult to be extroverted at the times when you need it.

ansible 12y ago
Agreed. I'd go further to say that if you are naturally extroverted, it would be worthwhile to develop some ability to feel comfortable while being alone. I know some people that go stir crazy when there is no one to interact with. That seems sub-optimal if you want to be truly happy.

napoleond 12y ago

I am an introvert who masquerades as an extrovert fairly well most of the time. There is, of course, nothing at all wrong with taking joy and comfort in being alone. However, it turns out that a lot of the factors which are correlated with happiness (the article points at love/relationship satisfaction and work satisfaction, for example) are easier to improve when adopting some of the skills and habits associated with extroversion. That doesn't mean learning to enjoy going to the club every night; it means learning how to make very good first impressions and getting along well with co-workers. If an introverted person is already satisfied with their life, then of course they don't "need" to be comfortable with social company, but this article seems to be written for people who are not as satisfied as they could be.

rwallace 12y ago

If you're alone and happy, you don't. If you're alone and unhappy, it's probably worth at least considering whether improving your social life might help.