5 ms·

The fact that this is a thing, and represents a general "strategy" when using Tinder, means to me that Tinder has failed.

by bagosm 12y ago

k__ 12y ago
Isn't this the case with every dating site? For me as guy it's always a numbers game. For my female friends it's a filter game. I'm on okcupid for like 3 years now and I never got any messages. My girlfriend was there for 3 months and said, she didn't write any messages, because she got about 20 per day. For me all dating sites have failed.
- tluyben2 12y ago
  I founded & ran a big dating site (big for my country); the most successful dates / marriages (it's been 6 years since we sold and we still get a lot of cards from people about getting married / having kids) where not from the way most people meet on / use these sites. People very much use them wrong imho; guys pay 0 attention to their profile besides their pic and just mail every face they like and women pay attention to their profile and read the ones the guys put up. So they will never match. Both sides lie and the least attention they pay to their own profiles, the more lies are in them as they don't see it as anything to worry about. The most successful ones are when guys pay a lot of attention and are honest (about yes they get hammered every weekend and they want girls who smoke and hate children; things which don't make you popular maybe, but if it's so, it's so), don't mail just everyone (and copy/paste the same; 'hi you are cute, here is my number') and take their time before trying to squeeze out as many 'real life' dates (and sex) as possible. Obviously there is room for both and both work, but we talked to many people, guys and girls in that time and in the end they want something real; most people on dating sites are just doing it wrong; it's not the dating site. We ended up selling 'profile help' where we would sit down and talk to (both sexes) and fix up their profiles and their communication. It seems obvious to people here (well ...) that if you meet in a bar later in the evening after one message online and jump in bed that night you'll probably won't be moving in soon and more than often actually stuff gets stolen that way as well (from phones to TVs to cars...). By keeping it online for a while with someone you not only learn a lot about eachother, but you weed out the perverts, criminals, sex addicts etc. Unfortunately, people are impatient and generally for some reason, lose all common sense when it comes to online dating.
  - k__ 12y ago
    Thanks for the insight :) But if a web-service needs consulting (profile-help) to work properly, it doesn't sound that good to me. Also okcupid got sold too and I wouldn't consider it "good", better than the most, but not really good. There is still the problem, that women don't write messages and get dumped with messages by guys.
    - tluyben2 12y ago
      But women do write messages (in my experience), just not to bad/bland/standard profiles.

The fact that this is a thing, and represents a general "strategy" when using Tinder, means to me that Tinder has failed.

by bagosm 12y ago

The fact that this is a thing, and represents a general "strategy" when using Tinder, means to me that Tinder has failed.

k__ 12y ago

Isn't this the case with every dating site? For me as guy it's always a numbers game. For my female friends it's a filter game. I'm on okcupid for like 3 years now and I never got any messages. My girlfriend was there for 3 months and said, she didn't write any messages, because she got about 20 per day. For me all dating sites have failed.

tluyben2 12y ago
I founded & ran a big dating site (big for my country); the most successful dates / marriages (it's been 6 years since we sold and we still get a lot of cards from people about getting married / having kids) where not from the way most people meet on / use these sites. People very much use them wrong imho; guys pay 0 attention to their profile besides their pic and just mail every face they like and women pay attention to their profile and read the ones the guys put up. So they will never match. Both sides lie and the least attention they pay to their own profiles, the more lies are in them as they don't see it as anything to worry about. The most successful ones are when guys pay a lot of attention and are honest (about yes they get hammered every weekend and they want girls who smoke and hate children; things which don't make you popular maybe, but if it's so, it's so), don't mail just everyone (and copy/paste the same; 'hi you are cute, here is my number') and take their time before trying to squeeze out as many 'real life' dates (and sex) as possible. Obviously there is room for both and both work, but we talked to many people, guys and girls in that time and in the end they want something real; most people on dating sites are just doing it wrong; it's not the dating site. We ended up selling 'profile help' where we would sit down and talk to (both sexes) and fix up their profiles and their communication. It seems obvious to people here (well ...) that if you meet in a bar later in the evening after one message online and jump in bed that night you'll probably won't be moving in soon and more than often actually stuff gets stolen that way as well (from phones to TVs to cars...). By keeping it online for a while with someone you not only learn a lot about eachother, but you weed out the perverts, criminals, sex addicts etc. Unfortunately, people are impatient and generally for some reason, lose all common sense when it comes to online dating.
- k__ 12y ago
  Thanks for the insight :) But if a web-service needs consulting (profile-help) to work properly, it doesn't sound that good to me. Also okcupid got sold too and I wouldn't consider it "good", better than the most, but not really good. There is still the problem, that women don't write messages and get dumped with messages by guys.
  - tluyben2 12y ago
    But women do write messages (in my experience), just not to bad/bland/standard profiles.