4 ms·

Excellent response. Part of my reaction to this story is self-defense and fear. I live in the US and from birth we're inundated with narrative about how we sho

Excellent response. Part of my reaction to this story is self-defense and fear. I live in the US and from birth we're inundated with narrative about how we should live and what we should strive for. The nice house, nice car, nice job... "Nice" being defined externally, always. If you don't want to slip into the pre-carved paths, you need to stay vigilant. In a sense, shaming this story is a fight against that narrative. By buying into it, the author reenforced it and then suffered the consequences when reality struck. Situations like this are obviously very personal and it's hard to judge on an individual level but in aggregate what they have done is causing damage beyond their own life. Not just the public funds they're now using, but by perpetuating a culture that the author presents as not only acceptable but desirable. From the car to the house to the journalism degree. No choice showed any foresight and unfortunately large swaths of our population are living this life everyday. At some point very soon, all of this story is going to have to come to an end and I'm not sure what will replace it. I personally believe that having (and keeping) sharp technical skills, being entrepreneurial and keeping your costs well below your means provide an answer. In short, it's going to be an interesting decade to come.

bradleysmith 12y ago
I agree that this narrative is a harbinger of very troubled times for our country. I disagree, however, that shaming the story is fighting against that narrative. Empathy for individual decisions does more to effect systemic change, if by no other mechanism than allowing you a clearer understanding of why those decisions were made. Darlena and her husband making these decisions will not effect the system as a whole, and neither will vilifying them. Understanding why they did what they did, and educating others on how their decisions hurt them will effect change. The 'this could happen to anyone' tone irks me as well, but in my experience, it is also quite human. The view from hindsight is remarkably clear. The OP was probably more aware than anyone as they opened themselves up to fragility with each financial decision. Unplanned pregnancies (that double in expense w/ twins), jobs in new towns, unexpected job losses, DO happen. When they do, you there is rarely a 'whoa, we've taken on too much debt, this is not sustainable' moment that you can just turn it around. Horse was out of the barn. an interesting and related read posted further down this thread was a fantastic perspective (though I'm not sure if I agree with it entirely): http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stamps.html http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stam...
- xrange 12y ago
  I wonder how much different the story reception would have been if the last paragraph was something like: "I hope other's can learn from our mistakes and learn to live below their means, because circumstances can change on a dime. Savings is critical, and looking back on things, we spent too much on frivolous consumer items like luxury vehicles."
  - bradleysmith 12y ago
    It would have helped in my perception of these people a lot. But then, we do not know if they actually said something very much like this, and it was just omitted.

bradleysmith 12y ago

I agree that this narrative is a harbinger of very troubled times for our country. I disagree, however, that shaming the story is fighting against that narrative. Empathy for individual decisions does more to effect systemic change, if by no other mechanism than allowing you a clearer understanding of why those decisions were made. Darlena and her husband making these decisions will not effect the system as a whole, and neither will vilifying them. Understanding why they did what they did, and educating others on how their decisions hurt them will effect change. The 'this could happen to anyone' tone irks me as well, but in my experience, it is also quite human. The view from hindsight is remarkably clear. The OP was probably more aware than anyone as they opened themselves up to fragility with each financial decision. Unplanned pregnancies (that double in expense w/ twins), jobs in new towns, unexpected job losses, DO happen. When they do, you there is rarely a 'whoa, we've taken on too much debt, this is not sustainable' moment that you can just turn it around. Horse was out of the barn. an interesting and related read posted further down this thread was a fantastic perspective (though I'm not sure if I agree with it entirely): http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stamps.html http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stam...

xrange 12y ago
I wonder how much different the story reception would have been if the last paragraph was something like: "I hope other's can learn from our mistakes and learn to live below their means, because circumstances can change on a dime. Savings is critical, and looking back on things, we spent too much on frivolous consumer items like luxury vehicles."
- bradleysmith 12y ago
  It would have helped in my perception of these people a lot. But then, we do not know if they actually said something very much like this, and it was just omitted.