I read a paper that studied why some marriages work. The author concluded that in those marriages, the couple worked to calm each other. I've used that in my re

I read a paper that studied why some marriages work. The author concluded that in those marriages, the couple worked to calm each other. I've used that in my relationships and it has worked well. I make an agreement with my partner upfront that we must make sure that one of us stays calm when the other is angry and the angry person can't harm/insult/embarrass/etc the calm person. The angry person should explain how they feel without resorting to name calling or abusing the other person. If both of us become angry then we must separate until one of us can be calm. With that algorithm, no one gets hurt in an argument and arguments don't escalate into destructive events. My relationships are still limited by the fact that couples must "agree to disagree". This piles up and eventually there are too many disagreements to ignore.