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I would be highly interested in a study that analyzes people who have been married for 50+ years and compares them to people who have been divorced. I have som

I would be highly interested in a study that analyzes people who have been married for 50+ years and compares them to people who have been divorced. I have some opinions on what leads people to ultimately get divorced; however, without any evidence to back them up, those thoughts aren't even worth mentioning. My belief is that marriage (at least for me personally) is a lifelong commitment, and divorce is only an option in the cases of abuse or cheating. In that sense, my biggest fear toward getting married is that the person I marry would at some point change who they are ("get bored" in modern parlance) and divorce me. At this stage in my life (24 years old), I'm slowly realizing that I probably won't ever get married even though I would really like to... I just can't imagine meeting a person I feel so certain and comfortable about. Heck, I can barely even find someone I want to date. I was speaking with my sister (engaged) the other day and asked her how she knew she had met the right person, and she told me that her fiancé is the only guy ever that she felt like she wasn't playing "mind games" with. That's particularly interesting to me, because I've never been with someone who I didn't feel like I was playing those games with.

Sammi 12y ago
Scientific research on successful vs unsuccessful long term relationships has already been done by the Gottmann Institution. You can get a good presentation of the findings here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLXX8wzvT7c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLXX8wzvT7c My warning from bitter personal experience: Don't go into a long term relationship without learning from Gottman first!
DanHulton 12y ago
Over fifty years? The person you marry is going to change. YOU'RE going to change. Marriage is agreeing to let another person have first dibs over wooing the new person you change into, and vice versa.
- ncarroll 12y ago
  > Marriage is agreeing to let another person have first dibs over wooing the new person you change into, and vice versa. Well said. And then, divorce happens when one or the other lets their option drop.
- PeterWhittaker 12y ago
  Well said indeed. I may just quote you on that.
- cryptophile 12y ago
  Over fifty years? The person you marry is going to change. All of this is a total non-issue in other cultures. Outside the pathological situations in the West, you can just focus on how to get ahead in your job, which automatically creates a fanclub of women who want to join in, and the rest follows. I can't see myself brooding over that kind of trivialities.
baby 12y ago
This part about the "mind games" is interesting. I think it always starts like that because that's how we learned to seduce. That's how "love" is documented. I remember reading in "Les liaisons dangeureuses" something along those lines : "Don't show her you like her, it will confuse her". In my experience mind games stop when you fall in love. I remember being with one who at one point asked me "Can we stop playing games?" and I agreed. further: I could have stayed with her if I had continued the mind games. I'm sure of that. But how long would that have lasted? Not forever. Better stop the mind game early and see how long it goes if you feel like it's the one. Maybe that's the true test.
- agumonkey 12y ago
  I really don't know if culture twist our interactions toward mind games or if it is a natural law (that may be amplified by immaturity or society too) at first, as a shallow way to test before going deeper.
colordrops 12y ago
As someone who didn't get married until he was 37, I can tell you not to count yourself out. I thought I would never get married up until I was in my mid 30s. No one can predict the future.

Sammi 12y ago

Scientific research on successful vs unsuccessful long term relationships has already been done by the Gottmann Institution. You can get a good presentation of the findings here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLXX8wzvT7c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLXX8wzvT7c My warning from bitter personal experience: Don't go into a long term relationship without learning from Gottman first!

DanHulton 12y ago

Over fifty years? The person you marry is going to change. YOU'RE going to change. Marriage is agreeing to let another person have first dibs over wooing the new person you change into, and vice versa.

ncarroll 12y ago
> Marriage is agreeing to let another person have first dibs over wooing the new person you change into, and vice versa. Well said. And then, divorce happens when one or the other lets their option drop.
PeterWhittaker 12y ago
Well said indeed. I may just quote you on that.
cryptophile 12y ago
Over fifty years? The person you marry is going to change. All of this is a total non-issue in other cultures. Outside the pathological situations in the West, you can just focus on how to get ahead in your job, which automatically creates a fanclub of women who want to join in, and the rest follows. I can't see myself brooding over that kind of trivialities.

baby 12y ago

This part about the "mind games" is interesting. I think it always starts like that because that's how we learned to seduce. That's how "love" is documented. I remember reading in "Les liaisons dangeureuses" something along those lines : "Don't show her you like her, it will confuse her". In my experience mind games stop when you fall in love. I remember being with one who at one point asked me "Can we stop playing games?" and I agreed. further: I could have stayed with her if I had continued the mind games. I'm sure of that. But how long would that have lasted? Not forever. Better stop the mind game early and see how long it goes if you feel like it's the one. Maybe that's the true test.

agumonkey 12y ago
I really don't know if culture twist our interactions toward mind games or if it is a natural law (that may be amplified by immaturity or society too) at first, as a shallow way to test before going deeper.

colordrops 12y ago

As someone who didn't get married until he was 37, I can tell you not to count yourself out. I thought I would never get married up until I was in my mid 30s. No one can predict the future.