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I'd like to thank the gp for his comment and his honesty; I think his participation adds a lot to this discussion. That said, I felt just as uneasy as you. He

by mr_luc 12y ago

I'd like to thank the gp for his comment and his honesty; I think his participation adds a lot to this discussion. That said, I felt just as uneasy as you. Here's my experience from the Funemployment thread, if anyone's interested -- not FU money, but a life that feels just as free: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7932707 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7932707 (I thought about commenting on this thread, but I already commented on the 'Funemployment' thread). I think that "emotional immaturity" is a cop-out, though, one that I've seen a lot. What's mature? I've seen, known and met dozens (hundreds?) of expats, and I fear that the real reasons might be a bit more grim: I don't think people really know what they would run away to do. It's easy to funnel people towards technology and startups if they want to get rich. It's 'easy' in the sense that, whatever the reasons you might want to get rich, technology can probably help. But on the opposite end? Where do people go once they've achieved functional independence (through retirement or other means) and can basically take work or leave it? Well ... that's pretty personal. It fans out, sometimes to really weird and specific places. In this case, the gp has found one really good friend, who 'gets' him. The two of them have a bromance going, and they have a hobby they enjoy ('debauchery'), and they treat other people (including some women) as essentially disposable. That makes me uneasy, but what about it specifically would you call "immaturity?" It seems that you might mean that it's empirically immature, in that it sounds like the dream and the description (and, hey, this being the internet, it might well be a fantasy) of young people without much life experience.

Eyas 12y ago
I don't think that having fun, drinking, knowing the bouncers, going to clubs, and having many relations (often overlapping) with much younger women is a sign of immaturity per se. The reason I use the "emotional immaturity" label to describe the post has more to do with the way its written. Gloating in certain details and expressing certain opinions that, in my view, are reflective of a person whose life experience is (in some ways) uninformed and lacking. Again, the women comment I think indicates that he simply hasn't talked to an accurate sample of women (or hasn't tried to have serious conversations). That's a serious lack of experience (if you presuppose as I do that intellectual women exist in roughly the same proportion as men). I personally define maturity/immaturity as something related to these kinds of experiences. It goes without saying that I am not referring to any objective conception of maturity, but rather my own assessment of what it means.
wpietri 12y ago
The reason I'd be comfortable calling it immature is that shallow relationships with people are common in the young, but most people grow out of it. And very few go back from treating other humans as equal to a more narcissistic approach. I don't think there's anything essentially wrong with narcissism. Toddlers believe the whole world is about them, and have to be trained not to hit others. Gradually, we learn that other people are independent entities, just as real as we are, and just as deserving of respect. I think that's a life-long process. This guy seems way behind for his age, which is also my age. I hope his time off lets him catch up.

by mr_luc 12y ago

Eyas 12y ago

I don't think that having fun, drinking, knowing the bouncers, going to clubs, and having many relations (often overlapping) with much younger women is a sign of immaturity per se. The reason I use the "emotional immaturity" label to describe the post has more to do with the way its written. Gloating in certain details and expressing certain opinions that, in my view, are reflective of a person whose life experience is (in some ways) uninformed and lacking. Again, the women comment I think indicates that he simply hasn't talked to an accurate sample of women (or hasn't tried to have serious conversations). That's a serious lack of experience (if you presuppose as I do that intellectual women exist in roughly the same proportion as men). I personally define maturity/immaturity as something related to these kinds of experiences. It goes without saying that I am not referring to any objective conception of maturity, but rather my own assessment of what it means.

wpietri 12y ago

The reason I'd be comfortable calling it immature is that shallow relationships with people are common in the young, but most people grow out of it. And very few go back from treating other humans as equal to a more narcissistic approach. I don't think there's anything essentially wrong with narcissism. Toddlers believe the whole world is about them, and have to be trained not to hit others. Gradually, we learn that other people are independent entities, just as real as we are, and just as deserving of respect. I think that's a life-long process. This guy seems way behind for his age, which is also my age. I hope his time off lets him catch up.