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I'm genuinely curios. My perspective on parenting might be a bit different but hearing yours might help round mine out. I don't want to send my kids to an inne

by jmathai 12y ago

I'm genuinely curios. My perspective on parenting might be a bit different but hearing yours might help round mine out. I don't want to send my kids to an inner-city school for the sake of making a point but I do want to for a couple reasons. First, if no one with privilege goes there then how can privilege ever come to exist there? Second, I don't think I want my kids to grow up surrounded by affluence and privilege. When you say it's clear that your son's education was worth every penny do you consider other pros and cons of being in a private school? I say all of this knowing my kids are currently 4 and 2. And that my wife is much more like you than I. We'll compromise but I'm curious if there's something new I could learn here.

deleted 12y ago
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johnchristopher 12y ago
I can offer you my perspective. My parents could have sent my and my brother to a better middle school but they decided to send us to the closest one. Turned out it was a school where a lot of uneducated parents sent their kids. And of course there was violence , bullying and less than stellar education (on both fronts: intellectual and relational). Our parents had asked a friend of them if it was a good idea. His answer "they seem smart, they'll be fine everywhere". Huge mistake. We both paid for it in high school. We went to a very good high school so the transition to college and university was easier but we still pay the price for it to this day. Very important point: I live in western europe, in a country with few private school. Most of our education is public.
- jmathai 12y ago
  Thanks. Super insightful to hear about your experience in hindsight. I would have said something similar - "if we provide a healthy home life, they'll be fine everywhere". Very eye opening!
arethuza 12y ago
Apologies for the delay in replying. It's worth noting that I am in Edinburgh in the UK, which has an unusually high level of kids attending private education - roughly 25%. I don't know about where you are, but because there are so many private schools here they effectively each target a different "market" - a lot of this is due to the level of fees which can vary from £10K to £30K a year. Certainly at the school our son attends (which is one of least expensive) most of the parents are either professionals or business people - although there are kids who have extremely wealthy parents they tend to be people who have made money in business rather than inheriting it. The pros are pretty much what you would expect - first rate teachers, lack of "problem" kids (I went to one of the worst high schools in the UK, so I know what this can be like), first rate facilities, huge amount of support for activities outside class (sport, drama, cadets, music....). The focus on kids being physically healthy is noticeable as well - although whether you regard this as a good or bad thing depends on what your kid wants. Cons - it is expensive, and the fees are only the start, I would say it is easily 25% to 50% on top of the fees for all of the "extras". To be honest, we haven't seen that many cons but I've known people who have had problems with kids at the same school if they didn't find their niche to excel at - the culture seems to be that if you excel at something either academically and/or sporting (they are not viewed as mutually exclusive, which is a good thing) then you get respect from peers and teachers - the question is making sure you have something you excel at. I'm not sure how they do it, but private schools, at least here in the UK, do seem to instill a huge amount of self confidence in kids, which is probably the most valuable character trait you can have.
- jmathai 12y ago
  Thanks for the response. Something I hadn't given much thought for is self confidence. It's important to both my wife and I to instill that in both of our kids. I just didn't think about the role a school might have in that. P.S. I'm in California. I visited Edinburgh last winter; beautiful city.

by jmathai 12y ago

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

johnchristopher 12y ago

I can offer you my perspective. My parents could have sent my and my brother to a better middle school but they decided to send us to the closest one. Turned out it was a school where a lot of uneducated parents sent their kids. And of course there was violence , bullying and less than stellar education (on both fronts: intellectual and relational). Our parents had asked a friend of them if it was a good idea. His answer "they seem smart, they'll be fine everywhere". Huge mistake. We both paid for it in high school. We went to a very good high school so the transition to college and university was easier but we still pay the price for it to this day. Very important point: I live in western europe, in a country with few private school. Most of our education is public.

jmathai 12y ago
Thanks. Super insightful to hear about your experience in hindsight. I would have said something similar - "if we provide a healthy home life, they'll be fine everywhere". Very eye opening!

arethuza 12y ago

Apologies for the delay in replying. It's worth noting that I am in Edinburgh in the UK, which has an unusually high level of kids attending private education - roughly 25%. I don't know about where you are, but because there are so many private schools here they effectively each target a different "market" - a lot of this is due to the level of fees which can vary from £10K to £30K a year. Certainly at the school our son attends (which is one of least expensive) most of the parents are either professionals or business people - although there are kids who have extremely wealthy parents they tend to be people who have made money in business rather than inheriting it. The pros are pretty much what you would expect - first rate teachers, lack of "problem" kids (I went to one of the worst high schools in the UK, so I know what this can be like), first rate facilities, huge amount of support for activities outside class (sport, drama, cadets, music....). The focus on kids being physically healthy is noticeable as well - although whether you regard this as a good or bad thing depends on what your kid wants. Cons - it is expensive, and the fees are only the start, I would say it is easily 25% to 50% on top of the fees for all of the "extras". To be honest, we haven't seen that many cons but I've known people who have had problems with kids at the same school if they didn't find their niche to excel at - the culture seems to be that if you excel at something either academically and/or sporting (they are not viewed as mutually exclusive, which is a good thing) then you get respect from peers and teachers - the question is making sure you have something you excel at. I'm not sure how they do it, but private schools, at least here in the UK, do seem to instill a huge amount of self confidence in kids, which is probably the most valuable character trait you can have.

jmathai 12y ago
Thanks for the response. Something I hadn't given much thought for is self confidence. It's important to both my wife and I to instill that in both of our kids. I just didn't think about the role a school might have in that. P.S. I'm in California. I visited Edinburgh last winter; beautiful city.