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Anecdotal, but this seems to back up what I've experienced in life... I've dealt with bad depression for most of my life..and it really, really sucks. When I

by blhack 17y ago

Anecdotal, but this seems to back up what I've experienced in life... I've dealt with bad depression for most of my life..and it really, really sucks. When I "come out" of it, I'll look back at some of the things I did and said while I was depressed and just be like "WTF!?". It will usually result in my apologizing to people around me for acting bizarre, and alienating myself from whatever friends I had previously made. Suck-zore. The GOOD thing about it is that depression has almost always been a major brain-catalyst for me. When I was young, the first thing that got catalyzed was dirt-bikes. For a summer I did almost literally nothing other than read about, and ride dirtbikes. I emerged from that knowing more than anybody I know of about all the racers and bikes and parts and tracks etc. etc. Then I discovered computers... I know it's stupid and childish to reference the Hacker's Manifesto...but that pretty much nailed it for me. Here is something that doesn't get mad at me for being depressed, or scream at me to stop talking back, or think I'm weird, or anything like that.... Hands down, my best code has been written while I'm depressed. For somebody that can't imagine what being depressed is like...imagine taking a photo that is out of focus, nothing really makes any sense at all. You can make out shapes, but they're blurry and not that meaningful. That is depression (well, that is actually a better descriptor for mania, not depression...depression would be more like really low light)... Sitting down at a computer and getting buried under a bunch of code is...in focus, if that makes sense. When you're manic, or depressed, code is something solid that you can grab on to. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

snowflakes 17y ago
In my case, being depressed means much deeper understanding and much more sharper mind. I even have an impression that the hard period I had few years ago, when I was only working and reading books, formed me intellectually. On the other hand, I quickly realize that consequences of my thoughts are rather pointless. Not that my thoughts are pointless; far from it. The catch is that, actually, I couldn't care less about consequences of my thoughts, as they have little impact on the world. Most of the time, I even don't care about sharing my thoughts with the world. I speak a lot with my girlfriend and a couple of friends but, for example, writing articles is pointless because I will have to deal with not understanding people. The paradoxical consequence of thinking too much is mistrusting yourself. If you have an opinion which is very solid logically but is against 99% of the population, it is easy to wonder whom is wrong: the whole society or you. That's why coding helps me a lot. The logical framework of code points me out that my thoughts are not pointless and my mind is not disorted anyhow. Coding helps me to get peace of mind. I'm much more relaxed when I write code. I believe this is one of the reasons why a lot of people went to mathematics as well. If you mistrust yourself, you have to have a framework that keeps you in touch with the real world. Logic ensures that you are not crazy, yet. Also, that's why coding is so addictive. It takes a week without coding to get me anxious. Without coding, I feel that my brain lacks some chemistry. Personally I believe that depression, or any other unusual state of mind, is just a filter that disorts the output of your mind. It gives you a very different perspective, but if you're blind, it won't help you anyhow. This is partially the reason why it is hard to decide whether depression is a problem, or not. Smart people might gain a lot from different states of mind; regular folks, well, not much. To be honest, I'm not sure whether depression is actually a cause or a result, in case of some people. If you start thinking too much and realize how the world actually looks, it is easy to get depressed a bit. PS. I've created a separate account for purpose of this comment; I feel this is too personal. Sorry that this is a bit chaotic but I don't have enough time to write the shorter comment so I wrote the longer one.
- jackchristopher 17y ago
  This concept sounds similar to the point you make: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism
- bkovitz 17y ago
  If what you're calling "depression" is caused by thinking, then it's not depression, at least in the clinical sense used in the article.

by blhack 17y ago

snowflakes 17y ago

In my case, being depressed means much deeper understanding and much more sharper mind. I even have an impression that the hard period I had few years ago, when I was only working and reading books, formed me intellectually. On the other hand, I quickly realize that consequences of my thoughts are rather pointless. Not that my thoughts are pointless; far from it. The catch is that, actually, I couldn't care less about consequences of my thoughts, as they have little impact on the world. Most of the time, I even don't care about sharing my thoughts with the world. I speak a lot with my girlfriend and a couple of friends but, for example, writing articles is pointless because I will have to deal with not understanding people. The paradoxical consequence of thinking too much is mistrusting yourself. If you have an opinion which is very solid logically but is against 99% of the population, it is easy to wonder whom is wrong: the whole society or you. That's why coding helps me a lot. The logical framework of code points me out that my thoughts are not pointless and my mind is not disorted anyhow. Coding helps me to get peace of mind. I'm much more relaxed when I write code. I believe this is one of the reasons why a lot of people went to mathematics as well. If you mistrust yourself, you have to have a framework that keeps you in touch with the real world. Logic ensures that you are not crazy, yet. Also, that's why coding is so addictive. It takes a week without coding to get me anxious. Without coding, I feel that my brain lacks some chemistry. Personally I believe that depression, or any other unusual state of mind, is just a filter that disorts the output of your mind. It gives you a very different perspective, but if you're blind, it won't help you anyhow. This is partially the reason why it is hard to decide whether depression is a problem, or not. Smart people might gain a lot from different states of mind; regular folks, well, not much. To be honest, I'm not sure whether depression is actually a cause or a result, in case of some people. If you start thinking too much and realize how the world actually looks, it is easy to get depressed a bit. PS. I've created a separate account for purpose of this comment; I feel this is too personal. Sorry that this is a bit chaotic but I don't have enough time to write the shorter comment so I wrote the longer one.

jackchristopher 17y ago
This concept sounds similar to the point you make: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism
bkovitz 17y ago
If what you're calling "depression" is caused by thinking, then it's not depression, at least in the clinical sense used in the article.