5 ms·

I feel like a real jerk for even mentioning this, so first let me say it sounds like this guy was a really good guy. But this is a researched social phenomenon

by icey 17y ago

I feel like a real jerk for even mentioning this, so first let me say it sounds like this guy was a really good guy. But this is a researched social phenomenon known as the reciprocity effect. He's done something for you, so now you feel like you somehow owe him something in return. Often that's "paid back" by positive social feelings. I really hoped I could find a solid citation for you, but the basis of it is found in Robert Cialdini's excellent book "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion". [This is as close as I could get for sourcing, I apologize for the lack of quality on the subject: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norm_of_reciprocity http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norm_of_reciprocity]

mhb 17y ago
There's also the effect that when you do a favor for someone, you feel better about them. If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor. -- Benjamin Franklin
- deleted 17y ago
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frossie 17y ago
icey - no need to feel like a jerk - three blogs upstream is the original article http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/08/23/happiness_a_buyers_guide/?page=full http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/08/23/... and it specifically says that spending money on your social network "buys you" mutually positive social effects. But I need to point out there are huge cultural specificities here. In the US it is common for two unrelated (and even related!) people to split the bill. Hence, picking up the tab may have a positive social effect in the manner described because that runs contrary to expectations. In other cultures it is traditional for one person to pick the bill. Either this designates social status (the most senior person pays) or a close-knit culture that ensures future reciprocity - eg. I'll buy you lunch today because I feel like it, and I know we'll have lunch many times and sometimes you will pick up the tab so it will all wash out in the end.

by icey 17y ago

mhb 17y ago

There's also the effect that when you do a favor for someone, you feel better about them. If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor. -- Benjamin Franklin

deleted 17y ago
[deleted]

frossie 17y ago

icey - no need to feel like a jerk - three blogs upstream is the original article http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/08/23/happiness_a_buyers_guide/?page=full http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/08/23/... and it specifically says that spending money on your social network "buys you" mutually positive social effects. But I need to point out there are huge cultural specificities here. In the US it is common for two unrelated (and even related!) people to split the bill. Hence, picking up the tab may have a positive social effect in the manner described because that runs contrary to expectations. In other cultures it is traditional for one person to pick the bill. Either this designates social status (the most senior person pays) or a close-knit culture that ensures future reciprocity - eg. I'll buy you lunch today because I feel like it, and I know we'll have lunch many times and sometimes you will pick up the tab so it will all wash out in the end.