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Ask HN: Feedback for my first landing page to validate my idea

3 points by tixocloud 12y ago

Dear HNers, Just created my first landing page to validate my idea and wanted to get some feedback from the community. Followed patio11's advice as much as I can about communicating benefits instead of features. Would also like to connect with independent consultants to understand the tools that you use to manage projects. http://unbouncepages.com/tixo/

jcr 12y ago
This will seem more harsh than intended, but there's no easy way to say it; I would need to be extremely interested to knowingly give my email address to a marketing-research email-collection landing page, and if a supposedly new company was unwilling or unable to create a simple product announcement web page without using something like unbounce.com, then I'd consider them incompetent. Let's pretend I'm a busy consultant (I'm not, but I was in a past life). Would I trust my time tracking and billing to supposed company building a web service when they can't even create a simple web page? Or set up their own webserver? --I'm sure you can see my point. I'm guessing you've used an unbounced template? With slightly older browsers, the template is broken. Firefox 18: http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png Chrome/Chromium 24: http://designtools.org/pix/txio-chrome.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio-chrome.png It's even worse in a text-based browser (for impaired vision), since the curly brackets "{ }" don't do what you want, and seem like an error of some sort: http://designtools.org/pix/txio-text.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio-text.png The text reads pretty good. I'd use "Txio Is Launching Soon!" rather than using "We" --Other than the URL, I've got no clue who "we" is until I get to the bottom of the page. For some unknown reason, the first line seems a little rough, and worse, I have no idea why it seems a little rough. "We're working hard on helping busy consultants find more time ..." Maybe something like: "We help busy consultants find more time ..." "We help busy consultants save time ..." "We enable busy consultants find more time ..." "We enable busy consultants to save time ..." The one thing that Patrick (patio11) does remarkably well is he communicates the benefits of his service without getting bogged down in the details of the features. But, he also communicates the features in very simple language. e.g. "You'll save time by ..." You've done a good job of stating the benefits, but you've left off any real mention of the "how and why" you're able to provide those benefits. After reading through it multiple times, the most I can divine is you've built some kind of time-tracking and invoicing program/service. Why is your offering better than what I'm currently using? How is your offering better than what I'm currently using? Though there are plenty of products/services in the time-tracking and invoicing market, it's huge market, and no one has really solved the drudgery of it (well, as far as I know, but I haven't looked in a very long time). Good Luck!
- jcr 12y ago
  s/txio/tixo/g Sorry about getting the name wrong. For some reason my subconscious decided on "tx" (transmit) and "io" (Input/Output). ;)
- tixocloud 12y ago
  Thanks for the fantastic feedback, jcr. Don't worry about being harsh - it's where we all learn :) I'll definitely address your decisions. Was following a someone else's advice about putting it together quickly and getting it up and running but clearly it's not worked out yet. Haven't had a single conversion!

3 points by tixocloud 12y ago

jcr 12y ago

This will seem more harsh than intended, but there's no easy way to say it; I would need to be extremely interested to knowingly give my email address to a marketing-research email-collection landing page, and if a supposedly new company was unwilling or unable to create a simple product announcement web page without using something like unbounce.com, then I'd consider them incompetent. Let's pretend I'm a busy consultant (I'm not, but I was in a past life). Would I trust my time tracking and billing to supposed company building a web service when they can't even create a simple web page? Or set up their own webserver? --I'm sure you can see my point. I'm guessing you've used an unbounced template? With slightly older browsers, the template is broken. Firefox 18: http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png Chrome/Chromium 24: http://designtools.org/pix/txio-chrome.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio-chrome.png It's even worse in a text-based browser (for impaired vision), since the curly brackets "{ }" don't do what you want, and seem like an error of some sort: http://designtools.org/pix/txio-text.png http://designtools.org/pix/txio-text.png The text reads pretty good. I'd use "Txio Is Launching Soon!" rather than using "We" --Other than the URL, I've got no clue who "we" is until I get to the bottom of the page. For some unknown reason, the first line seems a little rough, and worse, I have no idea why it seems a little rough. "We're working hard on helping busy consultants find more time ..." Maybe something like: "We help busy consultants find more time ..." "We help busy consultants save time ..." "We enable busy consultants find more time ..." "We enable busy consultants to save time ..." The one thing that Patrick (patio11) does remarkably well is he communicates the benefits of his service without getting bogged down in the details of the features. But, he also communicates the features in very simple language. e.g. "You'll save time by ..." You've done a good job of stating the benefits, but you've left off any real mention of the "how and why" you're able to provide those benefits. After reading through it multiple times, the most I can divine is you've built some kind of time-tracking and invoicing program/service. Why is your offering better than what I'm currently using? How is your offering better than what I'm currently using? Though there are plenty of products/services in the time-tracking and invoicing market, it's huge market, and no one has really solved the drudgery of it (well, as far as I know, but I haven't looked in a very long time). Good Luck!

jcr 12y ago
s/txio/tixo/g Sorry about getting the name wrong. For some reason my subconscious decided on "tx" (transmit) and "io" (Input/Output). ;)
tixocloud 12y ago
Thanks for the fantastic feedback, jcr. Don't worry about being harsh - it's where we all learn :) I'll definitely address your decisions. Was following a someone else's advice about putting it together quickly and getting it up and running but clearly it's not worked out yet. Haven't had a single conversion!