There is a lot of advice here on how to behave, what to tell yourself and what to think. It's all nice but the ONLY way to get good at something is to actually

There is a lot of advice here on how to behave, what to tell yourself and what to think. It's all nice but the ONLY way to get good at something is to actually do it repeatedly and learn from what happens. To become good at programming you need to be programming a lot. To become good at being social (and making friends) you must be social a lot. I would say that your main issue is not showing up at all the events where you can socialize. You have to consistently go to places where you can meet new people. No matter how hard it is for you to go and face your fear you must do it. Start researching meetups, co-ed social sport clubs, jiujitsu classes, volunteering - anything you can think of that will give you the opportunity to meet new people. If you'll feel awkward or alone it doesn't matter. Keep going. At this point you can start reading the advice here and books on the subject and think what works for you and what doesn't. But remember that 90% is taking action and showing up, that's the only chance something will change.