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Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult, so I won't offer advice on that. But you mention that your English is not at conversational level.

Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult, so I won't offer advice on that. But you mention that your English is not at conversational level. Therefore any attempt to make friends will be doomed before you evrn start. You need to take English classes.

deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
Dorian-Marie 12y ago
And as a bonus you often make friends in english classes because basically you spend all your time speaking to them.
precisioncoder 12y ago
This is your chance. The best way to meet friends as an adult is to have a common activity. Learning English is an excellent way for you to meet other people also interested in learning English. Jump online and find English learning groups, English classes, etc. You should also look for meetups for people of your native language so you can go to them as well. The next step is go to the meetings even if they suck, even if you feel lonely and bored. The best way to meet people is to get out there, you don't meet anyone in your house. If you have an interest in a sport that's a great way too, however I would say the more unusual the sport the better. With common sports like Basketball or Soccer people often join in groups and it's harder to make new friends. Something like Fencing or Archery would probably be better. I went through the same thing in a different country, I made my few friends through board games, d&d, and fencing.
tehwalrus 12y ago
hmm, taking a class is a really bad way to learn conversation-centric language skills. for anyone here learning a language, check out: http://www.fluentin3months.com/ http://www.fluentin3months.com/ The TLDR on that site (and his book) is basically conversational practise (anywhere you can get it) is much much more important than lessons, which are too different from how our brains are designed to learn languages (which is by usage, not grammar rules.) I would say that this is especially true for someone who can already write as the OP can, but just has trouble with confidence in talking to people in person. The key lesson for OP from FI3M, is that people are very infrequently angry with you for speaking their language wrong. English speakers may have more of a sense of entitlement than speakers of other languages (dominant culture, etc) but in general people will do their best to communicate, however slowly (assuming you catch them in a situation where they have time.) A good way to do this is meeting someone for coffee explicitly to practise English. Either they can learn your language in return, or you buy them the coffee, obviously! :) (edit: situations where you can do this! You could always "buy an English lesson" from someone, I suppose. You could also arrange to meet someone you met at an English class on a different evening, in order to practise together, especially if your only common language is English.)
illumen 12y ago
Having conversations with people is a great way to learn, and also make friends. People love an accent and odd phrasing. Just keep talking to people. Do some group sports. Yoga, dancing, skateboarding, table tennis, whatever. Go to clubs, or bars where people talk. Introduce yourself to people. Eventually, when you keep going back you'll make some friends. Are you into music or art? Why not go and see some shows? Or take a life drawing class or some such. Maybe start collecting records, or join a photography group. Don't talk about your job with people. There is nothing people find more boring. Keep getting out there, and have fun :)
Dewie 12y ago
> Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult, What a horrible society we must have if it enables this; insular, isolating, compartmentalizing.
naz 12y ago
Language isn't as important as you'd think. I've made friends with a Russian guy playing Counter-Strike, and neither of us speak each other's language. We've had a lot of fun insulting each other using Google Translate, and we just enjoy playing with each other.
VLM 12y ago
Wrong language. Not English. Help out a class for your native language. Tutor before/after class anyone who wants to talk in your native language. If the conversation tends toward "lets go get coffee / tea / movie / bar whatever after class" well, that's what happens. "I've got a great idea, how about I take you to dinner and you try to teach me as much English as I'm teaching you?" or if bunch of guys, "Oh you're watching football together on Sunday afternoon, could I come over to work on my English, I'll bring some beer?" Also if you are asian and start talking in perfect English like George Takei they're going to assume you're perfectly extroverted and an expert on American social cultural norms and behaviors, oh good how nice and stressful if you're introverted. But if you're just good enough to communicate most of the time while clearly putting in some kind of effort, they'll cut you a huge amount of slack, regardless if the actual problem is you're all introverted anxious exhausted. He's not terrified to be talking to a pretty girl, he's just having English troubles, no problem.

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

Dorian-Marie 12y ago

And as a bonus you often make friends in english classes because basically you spend all your time speaking to them.

precisioncoder 12y ago

This is your chance. The best way to meet friends as an adult is to have a common activity. Learning English is an excellent way for you to meet other people also interested in learning English. Jump online and find English learning groups, English classes, etc. You should also look for meetups for people of your native language so you can go to them as well. The next step is go to the meetings even if they suck, even if you feel lonely and bored. The best way to meet people is to get out there, you don't meet anyone in your house. If you have an interest in a sport that's a great way too, however I would say the more unusual the sport the better. With common sports like Basketball or Soccer people often join in groups and it's harder to make new friends. Something like Fencing or Archery would probably be better. I went through the same thing in a different country, I made my few friends through board games, d&d, and fencing.

tehwalrus 12y ago

hmm, taking a class is a really bad way to learn conversation-centric language skills. for anyone here learning a language, check out: http://www.fluentin3months.com/ http://www.fluentin3months.com/ The TLDR on that site (and his book) is basically conversational practise (anywhere you can get it) is much much more important than lessons, which are too different from how our brains are designed to learn languages (which is by usage, not grammar rules.) I would say that this is especially true for someone who can already write as the OP can, but just has trouble with confidence in talking to people in person. The key lesson for OP from FI3M, is that people are very infrequently angry with you for speaking their language wrong. English speakers may have more of a sense of entitlement than speakers of other languages (dominant culture, etc) but in general people will do their best to communicate, however slowly (assuming you catch them in a situation where they have time.) A good way to do this is meeting someone for coffee explicitly to practise English. Either they can learn your language in return, or you buy them the coffee, obviously! :) (edit: situations where you can do this! You could always "buy an English lesson" from someone, I suppose. You could also arrange to meet someone you met at an English class on a different evening, in order to practise together, especially if your only common language is English.)

illumen 12y ago

Having conversations with people is a great way to learn, and also make friends. People love an accent and odd phrasing. Just keep talking to people. Do some group sports. Yoga, dancing, skateboarding, table tennis, whatever. Go to clubs, or bars where people talk. Introduce yourself to people. Eventually, when you keep going back you'll make some friends. Are you into music or art? Why not go and see some shows? Or take a life drawing class or some such. Maybe start collecting records, or join a photography group. Don't talk about your job with people. There is nothing people find more boring. Keep getting out there, and have fun :)

Dewie 12y ago

> Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult, What a horrible society we must have if it enables this; insular, isolating, compartmentalizing.

naz 12y ago

Language isn't as important as you'd think. I've made friends with a Russian guy playing Counter-Strike, and neither of us speak each other's language. We've had a lot of fun insulting each other using Google Translate, and we just enjoy playing with each other.

VLM 12y ago

Wrong language. Not English. Help out a class for your native language. Tutor before/after class anyone who wants to talk in your native language. If the conversation tends toward "lets go get coffee / tea / movie / bar whatever after class" well, that's what happens. "I've got a great idea, how about I take you to dinner and you try to teach me as much English as I'm teaching you?" or if bunch of guys, "Oh you're watching football together on Sunday afternoon, could I come over to work on my English, I'll bring some beer?" Also if you are asian and start talking in perfect English like George Takei they're going to assume you're perfectly extroverted and an expert on American social cultural norms and behaviors, oh good how nice and stressful if you're introverted. But if you're just good enough to communicate most of the time while clearly putting in some kind of effort, they'll cut you a huge amount of slack, regardless if the actual problem is you're all introverted anxious exhausted. He's not terrified to be talking to a pretty girl, he's just having English troubles, no problem.