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Forget about finding the right girl only. You also need to pay as much attention to her family and HER mother. Your wife will very much likely turn out the way
by dba7dba 12y ago
Forget about finding the right girl only. You also need to pay as much attention to her family and HER mother. Your wife will very much likely turn out the way her mother did, in terms of how well she keeps the home in order, raise kids, and AGE as time goes on.
IMHO, it's remarkable how a girl ages the way her mother aged. And some age well while other don't (both in physical/emotional).
So, don't get hung up with the girl only. Think about her family in your 'equation' too.
- ceejayoz 12y ago> Your wife will very much likely turn out the way her mother did, in terms of how well she keeps the home in order, raise kids, and AGE as time goes on. IMHO, it's remarkable how a girl ages the way her mother aged. IMHO, it's remarkable how your primary measures of a woman's worth are housework, childbearing, and physical beauty.
- philwelch 12y agoA woman's worth as a human being and her suitability to marry some particular man are two different things. Most men want attractive wives who are good mothers, just as many women want attractive husbands who are good fathers.
- lotharbot 12y agomoreover, those attributes can serve as proxy measures for others. My mother-in-law's skill and dedication in keeping house is reflected in my wife's skill and dedication in writing clean code.
- dba7dba 12y agoI'm sorry if I offended you that's just a short sample list, really short. And I did say in my original comment about physical/emotional change people have over time. Some people don't age well emotionally.
- exabrial 12y agoIt's amazing that's what you took away from a very insightful comment.
- dba7dba 12y agoThank you exabrial. Maybe I should've put this in original comment: Before marrying, people wonder "do I want to spend rest my life with his woman?" Well there's a good prediction of what your future wife will be like, and that would be her mother.
- morbius 12y agoThis has to be the most insane, cavalierly misogynistic comment I've ever seen. Incredible. I'm laughing and crying at the same time.
- dba7dba 12y agoI'm blushing that it came across like that. I just meant to say how a young woman eventually becomes a very similar mirror of her mother as time passes. I didn't mean to say I or anyone should measure a woman with how she keeps home or raises kids or physical beauty only. It was as sample list. What I meant to say is you obviously don't want to marry a woman who's a great person today but turns out to be a terrible person tomorrow or 10 years from now (because everyone ages and changes over time). Of course there are unexpected/terrible things like diseases but basically you would want to marry someone you like your whole life. What I've seen is that when a mother in law is cranky and unhappy at older age for whatever reason, the daughter turns out similar. If you don't care for any of this after my explanation, just note that you are not marrying just a person. You are marrying her family/friends and whatever baggage she may have.
- morbius 12y agoJust a question: have you ever been in a relationship? I'm just curious, because what other evidence do you have for the seemingly bold statement that women become more like their mothers as time goes on?
- deleted 12y ago[deleted]
- mercer 12y agoWell, let's see: 1. a woman shares DNA with her mother. A big chunk of it. 2. she were most likely raised by her mother, and influenced strongly by who she was, the good and the bad. 3. on account of being of the same gender, a mother is usually a primary role model to woman, in the same way many fathers are to men. I'd say that's plenty of evidence. I'd also say that the same goes for men, and more recently I've been amazed by how similar my siblings are to me, in comparison to the rest of the world. Anecdotally, it's true to varying degrees with all women I know, and the similarities only became more visible as I got to know them better. While I'm not a big fan of the points OP picked to focus on ("how well she keeps the home in order, raise kids, and AGE"), I don't think his statement that women often become like their mothers is so incredibly bold or hard to believe. While my impressions of a love interest's mother (and to a lesser degree father) are not the deciding factor, they are an important data point, because in every relationship I've had, specific 'issues' that were immediately obvious in her parents eventually bubbled up in her as well. It would be silly to ignore that information.
- saraid216 12y agoIs this advice you give to all lesbians?
- ceejayoz 12y agoThere are no lesbians in 1950s Leave-it-to-Beaver-land.
- marincounty 12y agoI can't agree with housework(I don't care), but I do care about how a person treats kids, animals, and the less fortunate. The mother can be a good barometer, especially if the bride is not educated. As to looks, I thought it didn't matter, but I was recently reminded how primitive I really am. I was, I thought, in complete love with a Midwestern girl in the 90's. Eric Fromm type of love! I just was her at DMV and that love was gone. She morphed into her mother. Her voice changed. Her liberal views were buried under layers of the wrong foods, and too much alcohol. I didn't recognize the most beautiful person I had ever come across. She knew I liked her years ago, and abused it--so maybe my repulsion had more to do with that, and not the way she aged? I'll never know?
- ludwigvan 12y agoEvery woman becomes their mother. That's their tragedy. And no man becomes his. That's his. - Wilde