I think a big part of the problem is that when people are angry, they resort to shame as a tool of retaliation. Instead of saying "Dude, what you said was unco

I think a big part of the problem is that when people are angry, they resort to shame as a tool of retaliation. Instead of saying "Dude, what you said was uncool." they say "Dude, you are a piece of shit." I think Brene Brown explains very well the importance of guilt vs shame and I'd like to see greater awareness of this distinction in conversations about "isms": http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame