Why not go the other way and just have the one single closure reason: "Closed by some pompous twat, because exercising dictatorial power on an internet forum b

Why not go the other way and just have the one single closure reason: "Closed by some pompous twat, because exercising dictatorial power on an internet forum briefly helps him forget his own almost complete lack of real-world importance. Fortunately, however, you may scroll past this arsehole's non-contribution and find some useful info, left by other, less contemptible individuals" From what I've seen of SO, that would fit nicely with about 99% of the site's topic threads.