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As someone who has also been through this I agree. Do write to them even, if you struggle to find words. Do tell them you are thinking of them. It does help.
by sambeau 12y ago
As someone who has also been through this I agree.
Do write to them even, if you struggle to find words.
Do tell them you are thinking of them. It does help.
Don't avoid mentioning Rebecca for fear of reminding them: there is 0% chance that they will have forgotten, even ten years from now. They need to know she hasn't been forgotten by the world, too. The occasional "Rebecca would have loved this" is perfect.
Don't whisper. Dead children aren't secrets.
Yes, you can laugh: there is still joy and all children are silly.
Never, ever grab them by the elbow and talk to them with you head tilted sideways (that drove me mad!).
Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time.
- mpyne 12y ago> Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time. Yes, this is a huge point. Different families grieve differently, and how one properly memorializes their dead children is a problem I would wish on no one. I have a picture of my deceased daughter on my desk next to pictures of my sons, which occasionally leads to awkward conversations, but I would rather have poignant and painful memories than to try to erase it all. My wife will try to include a picture of her in current family photos, which always sounds weird to my friends—but I know exactly why my wife does it. I hesitated to put a list of "ways you can help" since Eric (and his family!) might grieve differently, but I will say that each and every single item on this list I would have (and do) find helpful for my situation as well.