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There is no amount of money that can make up for missing dinner times, bed times, play times and even bad times that you experience with your kids. Don't fool

There is no amount of money that can make up for missing dinner times, bed times, play times and even bad times that you experience with your kids. Don't fool yourself into thinking "once I get this right, I'll have all the time in the world to spend with my kids". This will never happen, and if it does it will be too late to form that close bond, and share your life with your kids. I'm in to work (my own business) at 7:30, leave by 5 at the latest and make sure to drop all my stress/anxieties at the door. I have weekends off, and rarely miss events or chances to ditch work and support my two girls.

viame 12y ago
I don't have a wife or kids but this is a nice answer, thanks.
- josefresco 12y ago
  Thanks for sharing. I don't think you need a wife and kids to have this outlook on work. If you have a family (mom, dad, uncles, aunts etc.), or friends or even a hobby, balancing those with work is key, and unlike your job/startup those "people" in your life will be around a lot longer and will enrich your life more.
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purephase 12y ago
Agreed 100%. My little girl is almost 2 and I while I can't say I've been there for every moment, she has been my priority #1. There are too many precious moments and missing just one of them is an awful feeling. To each their own, but I would never sacrifice a moment with my daughter unless is was absolutely necessary. As contrary as it might seem to people in the startup bubble, the importance placed on most day-to-day work is an illusion. Pop the bubble and hug your kids. In the long run, that relationship will mean much, much more to you.
dustinbrownman 12y ago
Do you feel like your colleagues secretly look down on you because of this? I work with all single, younger folks, and while they're always supportive, I can't help but feel like I'm seen as not pulling my wait. Almost certainly a projection on my part, but I'm curious if others with strong family priorities feel the same.
- josefresco 12y ago
  I own my own business, and work with my wife who also shares the same feelings about work/life balance. I work for other business owners and while many boast/brag about the hours they work, the wise ones who have kids tend to agree with me (even if they don't practice it themselves). I rarely have a client demand my time in the evening/night or weekend. If I do I usually try to accommodate (the life of client work!) but don't make it a habit. I do think you are projecting, although if you co-workers have issues with you clocking out "early" it's completely on their end. If you spend the day chit-chatting and clock out early, you may not be leaving the right impression. But if you clock in, kick ass and go home at a reasonable time I can't see anyone having issues. It's also good to explain to people why you have to leave at 5 or earlier, so they know you're not just looking to skip out, but rather you value your home life enough that you don't want it compromised by your work.
- VLM 12y ago
  Not being at work is understandable and mentally filtered out. Nobody really cares if you're sick or your kid is sick, or you're on vacation, either way you're not there. When you're present, people DO notice who spends two hours a day talking about golf or football or facebook or talking on the phone. Don't be that guy. Work at work, play at home, and you'll appear (and be) much more productive for 8 hours than the guy who works 6 hours and plays 6 hours while physically in the office for 12 each day. Abstractly, someone home with a sick kid is probably sitting in the same room with the kid and occasionally nursing the kid while spending most of the time playing minecraft or Eve or posting on HN or whatever. But what people actually remember is the guy who spent his entire afternoon birthday party shopping on amazon, or the guy who spent 2 hours talking about the superbowl or game of thrones, because they saw that with their own eyes. A secret "hack" I've done over a decade is when the kids are playing at the playground by themselves and most of the parents are looking at twitter on their phones or reading romance novels, I have some pragprog or oreilly book either dead tree or ebook form. From the kids point of view "Dad took us to chuck e cheese" or whatever, but out of an hours time I get 15 or more minutes of serious study. I'm taking off and going to a little league game on friday afternoon/evening, and I'll pay attention while he's in the field or at bat, but when he's merely sitting on the bench waiting, rather than checking out some of the moms or staring off into space or whatever, I'll read or study something "useful". There's a lot of downtime during "family time". If we're driving somewhere to do something as a family, and my wife is driving, I'll read something.
bippi 12y ago
It seems the parents that don't spend time with their kids, end up HAVING to spend time with their kids later in life with many issues that could have been corrected easier when they were younger. A ham-fisted example: stealing a pack of gum vs. stealing a car. I guess the workaholics I see, end up having this happen with themselves.
VuongN 12y ago
If you can drop the stress at the office after 5PM, I think you should be feel blessed and I'm very happy for you. I generally try to not miss dinner, but I have a rule that I go by, which is I never ask my colleagues to do what I was not willing to do myself. Even if I spend all the time with my daughter, I never think it's enough. This was written when I made a decision to do both: be the best father I could and be the best professional at my job; when I did that, the only solution was to cut down on my sleeping time. It was taxing on my body and one night on the way back on the train, I wrote this piece thinking about my daughter. I shared it because I didn't think I was the only one riding that home-bound train. I've been receiving personal messages telling me how much they appreciated me putting their feelings into words. That's when I knew I was definitely not riding that train by myself. By the way, I left work early yesterday to take my daughter to the park yesterday. She was quite happy :)

viame 12y ago

I don't have a wife or kids but this is a nice answer, thanks.

josefresco 12y ago
Thanks for sharing. I don't think you need a wife and kids to have this outlook on work. If you have a family (mom, dad, uncles, aunts etc.), or friends or even a hobby, balancing those with work is key, and unlike your job/startup those "people" in your life will be around a lot longer and will enrich your life more.

deleted 12y ago

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deleted 12y ago

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purephase 12y ago

Agreed 100%. My little girl is almost 2 and I while I can't say I've been there for every moment, she has been my priority #1. There are too many precious moments and missing just one of them is an awful feeling. To each their own, but I would never sacrifice a moment with my daughter unless is was absolutely necessary. As contrary as it might seem to people in the startup bubble, the importance placed on most day-to-day work is an illusion. Pop the bubble and hug your kids. In the long run, that relationship will mean much, much more to you.

dustinbrownman 12y ago

Do you feel like your colleagues secretly look down on you because of this? I work with all single, younger folks, and while they're always supportive, I can't help but feel like I'm seen as not pulling my wait. Almost certainly a projection on my part, but I'm curious if others with strong family priorities feel the same.

josefresco 12y ago
I own my own business, and work with my wife who also shares the same feelings about work/life balance. I work for other business owners and while many boast/brag about the hours they work, the wise ones who have kids tend to agree with me (even if they don't practice it themselves). I rarely have a client demand my time in the evening/night or weekend. If I do I usually try to accommodate (the life of client work!) but don't make it a habit. I do think you are projecting, although if you co-workers have issues with you clocking out "early" it's completely on their end. If you spend the day chit-chatting and clock out early, you may not be leaving the right impression. But if you clock in, kick ass and go home at a reasonable time I can't see anyone having issues. It's also good to explain to people why you have to leave at 5 or earlier, so they know you're not just looking to skip out, but rather you value your home life enough that you don't want it compromised by your work.
VLM 12y ago
Not being at work is understandable and mentally filtered out. Nobody really cares if you're sick or your kid is sick, or you're on vacation, either way you're not there. When you're present, people DO notice who spends two hours a day talking about golf or football or facebook or talking on the phone. Don't be that guy. Work at work, play at home, and you'll appear (and be) much more productive for 8 hours than the guy who works 6 hours and plays 6 hours while physically in the office for 12 each day. Abstractly, someone home with a sick kid is probably sitting in the same room with the kid and occasionally nursing the kid while spending most of the time playing minecraft or Eve or posting on HN or whatever. But what people actually remember is the guy who spent his entire afternoon birthday party shopping on amazon, or the guy who spent 2 hours talking about the superbowl or game of thrones, because they saw that with their own eyes. A secret "hack" I've done over a decade is when the kids are playing at the playground by themselves and most of the parents are looking at twitter on their phones or reading romance novels, I have some pragprog or oreilly book either dead tree or ebook form. From the kids point of view "Dad took us to chuck e cheese" or whatever, but out of an hours time I get 15 or more minutes of serious study. I'm taking off and going to a little league game on friday afternoon/evening, and I'll pay attention while he's in the field or at bat, but when he's merely sitting on the bench waiting, rather than checking out some of the moms or staring off into space or whatever, I'll read or study something "useful". There's a lot of downtime during "family time". If we're driving somewhere to do something as a family, and my wife is driving, I'll read something.

bippi 12y ago

It seems the parents that don't spend time with their kids, end up HAVING to spend time with their kids later in life with many issues that could have been corrected easier when they were younger. A ham-fisted example: stealing a pack of gum vs. stealing a car. I guess the workaholics I see, end up having this happen with themselves.

VuongN 12y ago

If you can drop the stress at the office after 5PM, I think you should be feel blessed and I'm very happy for you. I generally try to not miss dinner, but I have a rule that I go by, which is I never ask my colleagues to do what I was not willing to do myself. Even if I spend all the time with my daughter, I never think it's enough. This was written when I made a decision to do both: be the best father I could and be the best professional at my job; when I did that, the only solution was to cut down on my sleeping time. It was taxing on my body and one night on the way back on the train, I wrote this piece thinking about my daughter. I shared it because I didn't think I was the only one riding that home-bound train. I've been receiving personal messages telling me how much they appreciated me putting their feelings into words. That's when I knew I was definitely not riding that train by myself. By the way, I left work early yesterday to take my daughter to the park yesterday. She was quite happy :)