5 ms·

Firstly, this is a problem I'm not sure is very common - I'm guessing most people do hang out around members of the opposite sex, at work, with friends, etc. S

by edanm 12y ago

Firstly, this is a problem I'm not sure is very common - I'm guessing most people do hang out around members of the opposite sex, at work, with friends, etc. Second, for your specific situation - you say you have a problem. But it's a very solvable one. Find places to hang out with members of the opposite sex. This can be anything from going to specific classes that have women in them and that you also enjoy (e.g. drawing? Pottery? I don't know, depends what you like). You can also actively try to befriend people who hang out with women.

deleted 12y ago
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ido 12y ago
Any sort of dancing is usually a good option.
- rietta 12y ago
  And the Bay Area has a really good social dancing community - Swing, Salsa, etc. I am in Atlanta, which also has a good dance community.
berdario 12y ago
I used to think the same, then I tried to actually get into environments with a more balanced gender ratio, and I realized that actually I was not faring any better than before. Apparently I have low desirability and have few unique appeals/provoke low unique reactions. At the end, it's inevitable: even if just by mere chance, someone _has_ to be in the lower 5% of people who get the least successful interactions with the other gender. (Anyhow, his problem seems very common to me, but obviously my POW is skewed, since I got to know most of my friends in one of these place with unbalanced gender ratio in the first place)
- edanm 12y ago
  Someone has to be in the lower 5%, it's true. But it doesn't have to be you or the parent. It's absolutely true that the skills to make yourself seem more desirable are "learnable" skills. They also happen to correlate pretty highly with plenty of other important skills, like making better friendships in general, succeeding more in business, succeeding more in other spheres of life, etc. That's because most of the things you need to improve to be more desirable is: a) make yourself actually more desirable, usually by doing interesting things/etc., and b) make yourself a better marketer, who knows how to actually show that you're more desirable, in a way that doesn't turn people off. I really recommend you and anyone else who has trouble "attracting" the opposite sex, read any of the Pick Up Artist material that's out there. Don't fall too in love with the "world of PUA", and don't take it too seriously, but do read it and practice it. It will really improve your life, and not just in dating.

by edanm 12y ago

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

ido 12y ago

Any sort of dancing is usually a good option.

rietta 12y ago
And the Bay Area has a really good social dancing community - Swing, Salsa, etc. I am in Atlanta, which also has a good dance community.

berdario 12y ago

I used to think the same, then I tried to actually get into environments with a more balanced gender ratio, and I realized that actually I was not faring any better than before. Apparently I have low desirability and have few unique appeals/provoke low unique reactions. At the end, it's inevitable: even if just by mere chance, someone _has_ to be in the lower 5% of people who get the least successful interactions with the other gender. (Anyhow, his problem seems very common to me, but obviously my POW is skewed, since I got to know most of my friends in one of these place with unbalanced gender ratio in the first place)

edanm 12y ago
Someone has to be in the lower 5%, it's true. But it doesn't have to be you or the parent. It's absolutely true that the skills to make yourself seem more desirable are "learnable" skills. They also happen to correlate pretty highly with plenty of other important skills, like making better friendships in general, succeeding more in business, succeeding more in other spheres of life, etc. That's because most of the things you need to improve to be more desirable is: a) make yourself actually more desirable, usually by doing interesting things/etc., and b) make yourself a better marketer, who knows how to actually show that you're more desirable, in a way that doesn't turn people off. I really recommend you and anyone else who has trouble "attracting" the opposite sex, read any of the Pick Up Artist material that's out there. Don't fall too in love with the "world of PUA", and don't take it too seriously, but do read it and practice it. It will really improve your life, and not just in dating.