1. Keep trying. 2. Books and papers are great, but you should also try to find a mentor / guide / teacher / expert to talk about the issues you're facing and w

1. Keep trying. 2. Books and papers are great, but you should also try to find a mentor / guide / teacher / expert to talk about the issues you're facing and what you're thinking about. Schools are organized the way they are for a reason, even if they often fail at their intended purpose.