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Sounds a lot of bad luck (or bad hiring skills) that every single woman she hired was a failure. But every communication issue has two sides. I am pretty sure s

by soneca 12y ago

Sounds a lot of bad luck (or bad hiring skills) that every single woman she hired was a failure. But every communication issue has two sides. I am pretty sure she reinforced - even if unwillingly - this behavior after reading this: "I have developed a different approach for offering constructive criticism to male and female employees. When I have something to say to one of the men, I just say it! I don’t think it through – I simply spit it out, we have a brief discussion and we move on. They even frequently thank me for the feedback! Not so fast with my female staff. I plan, I prepare, I think, I run it through my business partner and then I think again. I start with a lot of positive feedback before I feel that I have cushioned my one small negative comment sufficiently, yet it is rarely enough. We talk forever, dissect every little piece of it, and then come back to the topic time and time again in the future. And I also have to confirm that I still like them – again and again, and again." When you put so much effort on something that is not the focus, that thing becomes the focus. If a woman cries after a reasonable feedback and you spend a lot of time trying to justify and compensate on that crying, the crying become justified. So you just reiforced the behavior. But if you are sure your feedback was a fair one; just let it go. Let her cry on her own, without giving much attention to it. She will stop crying sometime, think about things more rationally and the next time she will take feedback differently. I think the case is just that women express themselves different from men. Women cry at the spot and go emotional. Men keep the things for themselves and talk trash about you later on the bar. If you, as a boss, could listen to the men employees and tried to get some confrontation about the trash talk men do, this would reinforce the trash talking and a lot of new issues would appear on the professional realtionship. It is just bad luck in this particular scenario that women express their emotion more strongly and vocational; so I think some conscious actions must have being taken so this particular behavior doesn't extrapolate in more serious issues.

r00fus 12y ago
Bingo. I think the major issue is that as a self-proclaimed feminist, she seems to divide the groups purely on gender. Instead of putting them into different categories solely based on gender perhaps she should recognize that (in a simplified view) if there is a continuum of behavior, genders tend to have bell curves around areas, but that their distributions overlap. Ie, some women really just want the unvarnished facts. Understanding that some men also like to get "sandwiched" negatives while some women just want the facts and move one - and that varies by person, not by "gender" alone.
watwut 12y ago
"We talk forever, dissect every little piece of it, and then come back to the topic time and time again in the future. And I also have to confirm that I still like them – again and again, and again." Maybe she should not talk forever, dissect every piece of it and then accept the same discussion again. If the problem is emotional unsuitability, this makes it worst. Maybe she should cut analysis with something like this: "Dont worry about it, everybody makes mistakes. Just do not repeat the same one again." Or something similar. The point is to make them feel less insecure. Cushioning never works with intelligent people, putting past into past can.
- Entrepreneur- 12y ago
  You make interesting points. I am definitely open to reviewing my own communication style and how it may be affecting the outcome. That being said, does the problem lie fully with me or is this a trend other people are experiencing also?

by soneca 12y ago

r00fus 12y ago

Bingo. I think the major issue is that as a self-proclaimed feminist, she seems to divide the groups purely on gender. Instead of putting them into different categories solely based on gender perhaps she should recognize that (in a simplified view) if there is a continuum of behavior, genders tend to have bell curves around areas, but that their distributions overlap. Ie, some women really just want the unvarnished facts. Understanding that some men also like to get "sandwiched" negatives while some women just want the facts and move one - and that varies by person, not by "gender" alone.

watwut 12y ago

"We talk forever, dissect every little piece of it, and then come back to the topic time and time again in the future. And I also have to confirm that I still like them – again and again, and again." Maybe she should not talk forever, dissect every piece of it and then accept the same discussion again. If the problem is emotional unsuitability, this makes it worst. Maybe she should cut analysis with something like this: "Dont worry about it, everybody makes mistakes. Just do not repeat the same one again." Or something similar. The point is to make them feel less insecure. Cushioning never works with intelligent people, putting past into past can.

Entrepreneur- 12y ago
You make interesting points. I am definitely open to reviewing my own communication style and how it may be affecting the outcome. That being said, does the problem lie fully with me or is this a trend other people are experiencing also?