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Social skills are very hard to learn. The best way to learn something is to get a result, positive or negative, for a given input. When interacting socially, re
by kylec 12y ago
Social skills are very hard to learn. The best way to learn something is to get a result, positive or negative, for a given input. When interacting socially, results can be difficult to observe, especially when you don't know what to look for, and often can be time delayed. It's also virtually impossible to test a specific behavior in isolation, which makes it difficult to detect what specific thing might cause you to be perceived negatively. Most people start off on a strong footing socially, making it easier to try new things to see if they get a positive reaction, but for someone that doesn't have such a strong footing it can be confusing and frustrating when people don't want to talk to you or spend time with you, and you don't know why.
- chillingeffect 12y agoThis is the reason behind manners. They may be bullshit, but they're a conservative basis from which to begin. For example, manners say, "don't swear at people in conversation." We all know it can be okay to swear at people in conversation, but Xah Lee hasn't learned when to swear at people. Xah Lee, stop swearing at people for now and stick to your technical guns. Once you get on some stronger footing, experiment with venting.
- TeMPOraL 12y agoNever thought about manners as a "conservative basis" before. Thanks for that thought!
- overgard 12y agoI mean, I can't argue they're hard to learn, but in terms of things you can invest time in compared to the value it'll bring you... wow! I'm not trying to pick on people that lack social skills. Obviously that's an unfortunate predicament. But I do think the general nerd meme that social skills "shouldn't" matter.. I don't like that. They do matter, a lot, there's no getting around it.
- informatimago 12y agoThere's also the problem that social interactions are emotionnally stressing, so it's hard to have a scientific (external observer) point of view when you must have them yourself. Unless you turn sociopath. Which would be my advice.