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Maybe it's just that the article was written by a woman. (As I could easily see my significant other behaving in this manner when she was "out with her girlfrie

Maybe it's just that the article was written by a woman. (As I could easily see my significant other behaving in this manner when she was "out with her girlfriends".) But, does anybody on HN actually relate to this paragraph below? >I might open a conversation, for instance, by saying how nice it is to meet someone—when I’m really not at all happy about it. I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technically, since I really grew up in a small town about forty minutes outside the city. I could say that the person’s work sounds fascinating, when it’s no such thing, or compliment him on his (drab) tie or his (awful) shirt. And if the person mentions loving a certain downtown restaurant where I’ve had a terrible experience? I’m likely to just smile and nod and say, Yes, great place. I am proud to say that I relate to none of those examples. I would usually say "it was nice to meet you" when somebody I just met was parting ways just as a pleasantry that has to be said, not that I meant it. And not that the other person would assume that I actually genuinely meant that either. Ending a meeting with "It was nice to meet you" seems just as natural and called for as starting out with "Hello, my name is sirdogealot". Who goes home thrilled or even remembering the fact that somebody they met that day said "Nice to meet you"? I always am truthful about where I am from. If the person has never heard of my small home town, I would explain it's location to them. I wouldn't lie and say somebody's work sounds fascinating if it wasn't. If you haul boxes or flip burgers, I don't really care to hear about your job or your problems at work. In fact I find I don't congregate with people who hold boring jobs. It just gets too tedious hearing that you are unhappy and yet not bright enough to realize it and quit. I would never compliment somebody on their clothing if they actually looked like shit unless they I was trying to cheer them up, hit on them or get a job or something. If somebody suggests a terrible restaurant, I'll let them know why it's a bad choice. Like the restaurant that served me ants in my stir fry, or the place that gave me food poisoning on Christmas eve one year? No, I'm not eating at those places again. I don't care if I'm trying to win over my girlfriend's parents. If a place is shit I'll call it shit. Does the author think that her checkout clerk is lying to her when they systematically grunt out "have a nice day" as they pass her her grocery bags? Do you think the kid at the McDonald's counter is mocking you when he smiles at you? Do you think I'm lying to you when you ask "How are you doing?" and I only ever respond with "Oh, pretty good! How are you doing?" I might say that if I just woke up in the morning or if I had just been in a car crash but I'm not lying. I know that most people don't care to hear about your problems. So I don't bother them with them. Society is weird. There are a lot of odd things we do in society but I wouldn't misconstrue them all as lying.

thaumasiotes 12y ago
>> I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technically, since I really grew up in a small town about forty minutes outside the city. > I am proud to say that I relate to none of those examples. I can relate to the one I highlighted. People ask me where I'm from all the time. Usually, I'll ask what they mean, but if they press the issue I have to delve deeper: "I'm from the United States." "If I answered you, would that mean anything to you?" "California." "Near San Francisco. (well, actually a few hours away)" "Santa Cruz." "Actually, a suburb about 20 minutes away from Santa Cruz. According to the post office, it's in Watsonville, but according to itself it's named La Selva Beach." Generally people have heard of San Francisco, but having heard of Santa Cruz is rare and obviously no one has ever heard of La Selva Beach unless they actually live there themselves. It's always mystifying to me why people ask this question which is (a) incredibly awkward to answer, and (b) completely meaningless to them no matter how I choose to answer it. So virtually 100% of the time I'll answer "near San Francisco" (not a lie, but not particularly informative) or "Santa Cruz" (much more accurate, but also a lie). If they ask me where my hometown is, I have to probe even further: The place where I was born? The first place I can remember? The place where I went to elementary school? The place where I went to middle school, high school, and college? And when I try to find out what they mean by the question, far and away the most common response is to be annoyed that I found their question confusing (never mind that they don't have an answer when I ask what they meant... apparently I should have just made something up). So I can understand why people lie, even though I hate doing it. The social pressure here is enormous, and over a completely meaningless question.
- StavrosK 12y ago
  It's not a lie because nobody expects the question to be answered with accuracy. It's just a topic that may start a conversation, so the more interesting you can make the answer, the better. Hell, starting with the last one, where you say exactly where it is, and even going on to describe what it's like, what's nice about it, etc is the way the question was INTENDED to be answered.
  - thaumasiotes 12y ago

thaumasiotes 12y ago

>> I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technically, since I really grew up in a small town about forty minutes outside the city. > I am proud to say that I relate to none of those examples. I can relate to the one I highlighted. People ask me where I'm from all the time. Usually, I'll ask what they mean, but if they press the issue I have to delve deeper: "I'm from the United States." "If I answered you, would that mean anything to you?" "California." "Near San Francisco. (well, actually a few hours away)" "Santa Cruz." "Actually, a suburb about 20 minutes away from Santa Cruz. According to the post office, it's in Watsonville, but according to itself it's named La Selva Beach." Generally people have heard of San Francisco, but having heard of Santa Cruz is rare and obviously no one has ever heard of La Selva Beach unless they actually live there themselves. It's always mystifying to me why people ask this question which is (a) incredibly awkward to answer, and (b) completely meaningless to them no matter how I choose to answer it. So virtually 100% of the time I'll answer "near San Francisco" (not a lie, but not particularly informative) or "Santa Cruz" (much more accurate, but also a lie). If they ask me where my hometown is, I have to probe even further: The place where I was born? The first place I can remember? The place where I went to elementary school? The place where I went to middle school, high school, and college? And when I try to find out what they mean by the question, far and away the most common response is to be annoyed that I found their question confusing (never mind that they don't have an answer when I ask what they meant... apparently I should have just made something up). So I can understand why people lie, even though I hate doing it. The social pressure here is enormous, and over a completely meaningless question.

StavrosK 12y ago
It's not a lie because nobody expects the question to be answered with accuracy. It's just a topic that may start a conversation, so the more interesting you can make the answer, the better. Hell, starting with the last one, where you say exactly where it is, and even going on to describe what it's like, what's nice about it, etc is the way the question was INTENDED to be answered.
- thaumasiotes 12y ago