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Ask HN: Programmers with kids – did it make you a "bad" employee?
Before I had kids I used to shake my head in very non-subtle judging ways at team members that left work to go pickup their kid, or did anything other than move the company forward via non-stop coding.
Then after having a kid, I did a 180 and became the very "bad" employee I used to judge. Do other programmers with kids have similar tails? Did anyone make the conscious choice to be a bad employee but a good parent?
- jaegerpicker 12y agoNot so much a bad employee IMO but definitely a worse fit for a company. I worked at a young startup (it was somewhat established by the time I joined) that was mostly younger guys than me (I was very early 30's they were mid 20's) and I was the only employee with kids. A lot of their focus and outside time was spent drinking hanging out and talking about work when they weren't partying. I couldn't and wouldn't do that and opened up a huge rift between me and management in particular. To be honest I think that is a problem with that company not with me as an employee. Their immaturity caused that and a metric shit ton of other issues. If any thing else I've found that having kids has made me better in a lot of ways. I'm more driven to build something to pass down, I'm more attached and caring about my career, and I'm more mature. I honestly believe that having children has made me a better person.
- good-citizen 12y agoparents and non-parents are such different creatures my wife and I call them vampires and non-vampires. it's hard being the only vampire working with a bunch of humans!
- jonaswouters 12y agoThere is some difference in mentality between dads. Especially "work is just work"-father and actually caring about your career. Caring about your career doesn't make you a bad father. I've always preferred to be with my SO instead of participating in "out of office hours"-time with colleagues. I guess I was a worse fit for a company since I fell in love.
- SixSigma 12y agono, i waited till they went to bed and then logged in and did a few more hours kids give you perspective, as you now know
- SuperDuperTango 12y agoI think jaegerpicker hits it on the head. If the organization is a good one, with a good culture, kids vs. no-kids won't be a problem. The dichotomy between the two can definitely shine a light on deficiencies in the culture and/or management.
- ScottWhigham 12y agoDid anyone make the conscious choice to be a bad employee but a good parent? That is such a great question that it made me stop and re-think your entire post. I absolutely love that. I never have but I can envision someone who could do that out of necessity. If little Bobby Tables is a special needs child, to pick an example, and you have one chance to get him into a special school, I'm sure that at the end of your life you would not regret for one instance being less than a stellar employee that one day while you worked so hard to get Bobby into that school. I get it. I understand. Doesn't make me want to hire you but again: at the end of your life, what would you regret more: having slacked off for one day at work, or having ensured that your child got the best help/education he could at such a critical time?
- good-citizen 12y agomy kid wasn't special needs, but I sure felt the need to leave work at 5 on the dot and get home to help. Kids (any kid) takes SO much work they are incompatible with our 24/7 work culture.