4 ms·

This gut got lucky, specifically at this stage: >> So the man says, "I understand, that's fine, but you can't support yourself right now, and you'll need to be

by JimmyL 17y ago

This gut got lucky, specifically at this stage: >> So the man says, "I understand, that's fine, but you can't support yourself right now, and you'll need to be able to do that before we can get divorced..." The wife was well within her rights to say "screw you" to the guy, file for divorce with a contingency lawyer, and get a bunch in child support and income equalization from the guy - and probably custody too if she put a bit of effort in.

lionhearted 17y ago
I'm with you on how ugly the family court system can be, but this one's a bit different. She didn't want the kids - she wanted to leave because she was going crazy. I'm pretty sure he/they weren't wealthy yet at that point either. She wanted to leave the kids with him, end the marriage, and move on. She was in a full blown panic/depression/something like that. Most men would freak out there. Instead of taking it personally, he was practical about it and helped put her through school, saying that the kids came before both of them, and she needed to be able to support herself. He didn't make her feel trapped or beg her or insult her, he just set about practically so they could run two households effectively if they needed to. It turned out, they didn't need to, now they run one very successful household. I really admire his stoic practicality there. In a place where a lot of men would freak out, he was calm, sympathetic, yet unfailingly practical. He was willing to have his marriage end on a practical note, but instead it wound up keeping his marriage together and building a very strong family. A very, very insightful guy, I was very lucky to cross paths from him and get the opportunity to learn some really important lessons.
- iigs 17y ago
  He was clever. If he invested that time and money and she still wanted out, her salary would be much closer to his, which would have worked out in his favor when it came time to calculate child support or alimony. It's possible (maybe unlikely) that if she had made more than him that _he_ could have ended up receiving money in the divorce. In fact, I can't see a down side in this case for either (adult) party -- being poor and uneducated with child support is inferior to being relatively self-wealthy with modest child support, so it was a win for her. There's a value to raising your children yourself; a stay-at-home parent can focus on the needs of the children and spend more time on giving them a first class childhood experience. If the relationship is headed for the wall, however, it surely is superior to do this at the expense of trying to continue stay-at-home parenting.

by JimmyL 17y ago

lionhearted 17y ago

I'm with you on how ugly the family court system can be, but this one's a bit different. She didn't want the kids - she wanted to leave because she was going crazy. I'm pretty sure he/they weren't wealthy yet at that point either. She wanted to leave the kids with him, end the marriage, and move on. She was in a full blown panic/depression/something like that. Most men would freak out there. Instead of taking it personally, he was practical about it and helped put her through school, saying that the kids came before both of them, and she needed to be able to support herself. He didn't make her feel trapped or beg her or insult her, he just set about practically so they could run two households effectively if they needed to. It turned out, they didn't need to, now they run one very successful household. I really admire his stoic practicality there. In a place where a lot of men would freak out, he was calm, sympathetic, yet unfailingly practical. He was willing to have his marriage end on a practical note, but instead it wound up keeping his marriage together and building a very strong family. A very, very insightful guy, I was very lucky to cross paths from him and get the opportunity to learn some really important lessons.

iigs 17y ago
He was clever. If he invested that time and money and she still wanted out, her salary would be much closer to his, which would have worked out in his favor when it came time to calculate child support or alimony. It's possible (maybe unlikely) that if she had made more than him that _he_ could have ended up receiving money in the divorce. In fact, I can't see a down side in this case for either (adult) party -- being poor and uneducated with child support is inferior to being relatively self-wealthy with modest child support, so it was a win for her. There's a value to raising your children yourself; a stay-at-home parent can focus on the needs of the children and spend more time on giving them a first class childhood experience. If the relationship is headed for the wall, however, it surely is superior to do this at the expense of trying to continue stay-at-home parenting.