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I wonder how this would vary between countries. Generally the cultural norm in the Nordic region isn't positive on striking up conversation with random people;

• namenotrequired 13y ago
  Here in the Netherlands it's not a popular thing to do either, though most people don't mind it, they just would rather not in case someone minds, but they usually don't. I'm in luck that my commute - both to university and work - includes the train from the Amsterdam airport to the central station, so I'm among tourists all the time there. It generally does seem easier to strike up a conversation with them. But I wonder if that's because they're from a different culture, or just because they're on holiday rather than on their daily commute.
  • zorbo 13y ago
    I'm Dutch and my girlfriend is Russian, and she was absolutely amazed at how often and easily we make a little smalltalk with complete strangers here in the Netherlands. It may not seem to be a popular thing to do here, but compared to Russia we're very chatty and friendly with strangers.
    • Cthulhu_ 13y ago
      I had a colleague who did the Trans-Siberian line once, she shared a cabin with some Russians who broke out the vodka and shared - they had a blast, :p
• chaired 13y ago
  I'm from Boston. I saw spontaneous group conversations break out among strangers fairly often. Certainly, I would not think twice if it happened there. In eight years in Seattle, I have never seen it happen, not even once.
  • _delirium 13y ago
    Good point; I was thinking of variance between countries, but countries aren't monolithic either. There might even be interesting variation city-to-city, or between urban/suburban/rural areas, or different socioeconomic areas. I have the opposite second-hand report, though: a friend from California tried introducing himself to his new neighbors in Boston and basically got no response, as if introducing yourself to your neighbors was a weird thing to do. His general impression is that Bostonians tend to socialize, but grouped along very specific location/class lines, where you're a "foreigner" if you're from even as far as Somerville, let alone California.
  • srj 13y ago
    I've lived in Seattle 7 years and have seen (and participated in) conversation with strangers on the bus. It's not impossible though it does seem rare here. Coffee shops and dog parks on the other hand are prime stranger conversation spots. Oddly not bars though in my experience. I'll be moving to Cambridge in a few months so it's good to hear people there are more approachable.
    • rjurney 13y ago
      Yeah, everyone is friends at the dog park.
  • re_todd 13y ago
    I visited Seattle last year and went to several coffee shops. It seemed weird that nobody would look up if someone came in. Everyone seemed deeply absorbed in their book or smart phone or tablet.
    • brightsize 13y ago
• jvrossb 13y ago
  I hear this all the time, yet when I was in Denmark and Iceland I found that folks never seemed to be weirded out if I started a conversation with them (when ordering food, waiting for a bus, or out in a bar for example) in fact they'd often happily chat and even sometimes invite me along to where they were going next if they were out partying/drinking. Danes and Icelanders struck me as an incredibly friendly bunch. I've even had several people strike up conversations with me in both countries. That being said when I was in Copenhagen I did notice that this openness didn't seem to be nearly as present amongst the Swedes who came over from Malmö. Come to think of it during my travels in Denmark and Iceland the only time Finns or Swedes ever struck up conversation with me was when they were drunk.
  • _delirium 13y ago
    That's the local stereotype also, that Swedes and Finns are more reserved than Danes [1]. I think it's still pretty uncommon (almost taboo) for Danes to start up conversations with other Danes on public transit (or in grocery stores), though, especially during regular hours on a weekday. There are usually 6-10 people at the bus stop in Copenhagen I wait at most mornings, and nobody is ever saying anything to anyone! The bus ride is usually near-silent as well. When I was in California this would usually result in at least something spoken, a few minutes of conversation about the weather or the timeliness of public transit if nothing else. Things are more social on weekend evenings where people are on their way "out", though, that's true. And I think starting conversations with foreigners is also done more readily than with Danes, because it sort of suspends some cultural norms. Once you hear someone speak English (or another language) there's an assumption they're probably interested in talking to locals, whereas the assumption is that the average (Danish) commuter doesn't want to be bothered. Plus there's a range of easy intro lines: "where're you from?" or "what brings you to Copenhagen?" or "hey are you guys Australian?" But to give an example of the kind of thing that was normal in California but which I've never seen in Denmark: checking out at a Trader Joe's and the clerk starting a conversation by asking some random question about what I'm buying. If I'm buying tomatoes & avocadoes, he or she might ask if I'm making guacamole, and mention they did that last weekend and then share a tip about their favorite recipe. Or if I'm buying a bottle of gin, asking if I like it in gin & tonics or in martinis. Or comment on things like, "hey man you look pretty tired, long day eh?" It can start interesting conversations (or sometimes, awkward ones), but either way that kind of interaction in a grocery line would be seen as super-weird and an intrusion on privacy in Denmark. [1] Informative and somewhat amusing: http://folk.uio.no/geirthe/Scandinavian_images.html http://folk.uio.no/geirthe/Scandinavian_images.html
• gavinflud 13y ago
  I had a conversation about this exact thing while on a business trip with some colleagues recently. I'm from Ireland while my colleagues were from Finland, Italy and France. In Irish culture, we talk a lot and seeing strangers conversing on public transport, with the cashier at the check-out or just waiting at a bus stop is quite normal. However, my Italian and Finnish friends said that this was one of the weirdest things they had to get used to when in Ireland. In their respective countries it's just considered common courtesy to not start up conversations with strangers and just grant them their personal space. This social experiment is very interesting, but the results would probably be very different depending on what country you're in.
• ghshephard 13y ago
  As a Canadian who is in the United States (California, Redwood City) for long periods of time, I get used to a somewhat greater social distance. It's not obvious, until you come back home to Canada (In my case, Vancouver, Coquitlam, Burnaby) - and it seems like every Canadian wants to be chatty with you to the point of distraction. What's weird about this, is if you had asked me while I was in Canada, I would have said there is somewhat of a convention of social distancing - but, there is clearly a spectrum.
  • rjurney 13y ago
    The north bay is chattier.
    • _delirium 13y ago
      I think the fringes of the Bay Area are. North Bay and Santa Cruz are both chattier than either San Francisco or the Valley.
  • sanswork 13y ago
    I think it might be a city thing as well. I grew up/currently live in Toronto and talking to strangers outside of specific areas/events is often met with distrust or a feeling that you/they are invading personal space.
  • mpweiher 13y ago
    Clearly a spectrum, for example the comfortable distance. In Germany, for example, people on public transport will generally seat themselves to maximize overall spacing. In other countries, people clump together. My social studies teacher once told a story about this: putting north americans and south americans together at a cocktail party can be fun, because the accepted social distance is different. So the south american will move in in order not be rude, while the north american will move back in order not to be rude. This can lead to little groups chasing each other through the room :-)
• dan_bk 13y ago
  > I wonder how this would vary between countries. Sure, it does - cultures vary. The thing is this: "Culture" expresses the maturity of our species. And maturity is an ongoing and never-ending process. Which means: you can/shoud always be asking "what must still be improved?" (on a personal and then societal level). Every culture contains (sometimes very) unhealthy elements. And it's our job to root those out. Behavioral norms promoting social isolation is one of those immature elements of certain cultures.
  • emiljbs 13y ago
    And how exactly do you decide what 'maturity' is?
• petercooper 13y ago
  As a Brit, everytime I go to the US I experience interesting social differences. Two fun ones I can recall: 1. Americans are so quick to give up their name whereas there are people I've "known" (as in, I can have a conversation with them and we know who each other is) here in the UK for years and I do not know their names (e.g. people at the corner store, people at user groups). This is not unusual either. 2. Talking in elevators. This rarely happens in the UK but I'd say 50% of the time I'm in a hotel elevator in the US, people say "hi", "good morning" or even try to start a conversation. While I find this unsettling at first, I usually coming away from it thinking it's cute.
  • tripzilch 13y ago
    Funny! I remember from my visits to Edinburgh that people seemed to be much more likely to strike up a conversation with me than at home (Netherlands). Though maybe I just had this open "happy holidays" vibe coming from me. Actually now that I think about it, it was during the Edinburgh festival weeks, which probably accounts for a lot of the openness. In the Netherlands you're much more likely to chat with a random stranger when it's a national holiday and everyone is out on the streets anyway. My experiences with Danes, however, is a lot more reserved. At some point I noticed one cashier didn't even make eye contact at the checkout, and I'm just going to assume it was all confirmation bias from there :) but at the end of the week I was mildly creeped out :) :)
    • petercooper 13y ago
      Actually now that I think about it, it was during the Edinburgh festival weeks, which probably accounts for a lot of the openness. Yeah, that would have a huge impact. The Britons open up a lot during cultural events. The Olympics being a big recent example. I have a sense the further you get from London, the better things get too. I had similar experienced to you in Denmark, although as an introvert I rather liked it. It felt even more pronounced in Norway on a recent trip to Oslo. It was more a friendly silence than an antagonistic one though.
• vidarh 13y ago
  Yes, and no. People who observe people striking up a conversation are likely to react in that way, but in my experience people who are approached are almost always friendly even in Northern Europe when approached by a stranger. In a way, striking up a conversation with strangers in Northern Europe is easier than in the US, as nobody expects it. "Everyone" will wait to hear you out. No matter how awkward and nervous you sound, people will tend to lap up the attention, because it is so rare. I'm quite introvert, and a few years ago I decided that I was isolating myself too much, and decided to make some very basic changes. For starters, I decided to greet people as much as possible, and to aim to get eye contact. Not with every random stranger, but e.g. cashiers in a shop; bus drivers etc. or other situations where there was "natural" contact. What I didn't expect was the outcome: Within a couple of weeks, the cashiers at the shop I used to buy my lunch in were pouring out their life stories to me, after I'd been going there for months without even recognising any of their faces before. If there was a queue, they'd rush past me and motion me to their till and open it. One of the bus drivers that had been on my route for years without me ever recognising him, approached me when he suddenly recognised me at the gym, and we now chat whenever we see each other. I've since occasionally chatted up total strangers in the street too, and the worst reaction I've ever had was a single time when a girl just kept walking and told me "not interested". Frankly, a bar is a far more brutal environment. For anyone that fear rejection that wants to talk to strangers, random passers-by on the street will be far easier than a bar or a club even in Northern Europe. I think the mindset both in the Nordic countries - I'm Norwegian - and England where I'm now, is that other people will think I'm weird if I talk to them, while at the same time because of that, people see it almost as a compliment if they're approached by people that show a genuine interest in them (e.g. in London my experience is that you'll get a positive response from pretty much any random stranger on the street unless you come across as representing a charity; in England there's a word for people collecting for charities on the street: chugger - a contraction of "charity" and "mugger").
  • UVB-76 13y ago
    > (e.g. in London my experience is that you'll get a positive response from pretty much any random stranger on the street unless you come across as representing a charity; in England there's a word for people collecting for charities on the street: chugger - a contraction of "charity" and "mugger"). More generally, I think people just dislike being engaged in conversation by people with obvious ulterior motives. It devalues the whole exchange when you know it's only being conducted because the other person wants to relieve you of your money.