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> You know what works extra- extra- well? Be the kind of person you want your kids to be. Treat them like a decent person treats other decent people and that's

by bildung 13y ago

> You know what works extra- extra- well? Be the kind of person you want your kids to be. Treat them like a decent person treats other decent people and that's the behavior they will learn. Absolutely. And be consistent, that's the one main important result of developmental psychology for parents. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory and grep for Bowlby. > Your kids are way smarter than you think. They know what you're doing, they know you're trying to encourage certain behaviors, and they eventually know how to manipulate you much more effectively than you know how to manipulate them. They are smart as in emotionally smart. And that heavily depends on trust in the social environment they are able to build from experience. A child having made consistend experiences of trust will have it easier to develop a model of self-efficiacy, and that in turn is fundamental for learning other things about the world. The emotional experiences are fundamental - but harder to see than a kid talking early or similar.

nevinera 13y ago
Authentic actions by a stable individual are inherently consistent. Whereas forced behaviors that are intended to be consistent rarely are.
- bildung 13y ago
  > Authentic actions by a stable individual are inherently consistent. Whereas forced behaviors that are intended to be consistent rarely are. I think we mean the same thing, but to be sure: I tried to exclude the following authenticity with my phrasing: If I am relaxed on a saturday afternoon and my child spills it's cornflakes over the print outs I left on the desk, it's no big deal. Me or both of us clean up the mess and I just print them out again. If the same thing happens on a stressfull thursday evening, I am angered and let that anger out. In that example I am authentic, but from the view of the child my response to the same action of the child is not consistent. The child has to have reached a certain age to grasp that my anger is mostly about my stress and not about the actions of the kid (specificially the ability to empathize has to be developed). tl;dr: What I meant with consistency is mostly the parents having a certain amount of affect control. That's probably what you meant with 'a stable individual'.

by bildung 13y ago

nevinera 13y ago

Authentic actions by a stable individual are inherently consistent. Whereas forced behaviors that are intended to be consistent rarely are.

bildung 13y ago
> Authentic actions by a stable individual are inherently consistent. Whereas forced behaviors that are intended to be consistent rarely are. I think we mean the same thing, but to be sure: I tried to exclude the following authenticity with my phrasing: If I am relaxed on a saturday afternoon and my child spills it's cornflakes over the print outs I left on the desk, it's no big deal. Me or both of us clean up the mess and I just print them out again. If the same thing happens on a stressfull thursday evening, I am angered and let that anger out. In that example I am authentic, but from the view of the child my response to the same action of the child is not consistent. The child has to have reached a certain age to grasp that my anger is mostly about my stress and not about the actions of the kid (specificially the ability to empathize has to be developed). tl;dr: What I meant with consistency is mostly the parents having a certain amount of affect control. That's probably what you meant with 'a stable individual'.