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But people who don't care to talk to other people would not be reading this. This advise is for a select group of people (introverts who want to meet others).

marvin 17y ago
Exactly. It is wonderful that a reflected, empathic introvert has finally been able to figure out something like this. I am in the same spot as the author right now, and the thing that really gets to me is that I have to fake being an extrovert in order to connect with other people. It isn't really that hard (it's just acting), but it is really draining when it shouldn't be. The ideal way to interact would be to be able to be myself while still managing to spark some openness and life in my conversational counterpart. After all, most deep wants are somehow achievable, and there isn't any obvious reason why it should be impossible to connect with other people if you happen to hate smalltalk and often enjoy being alone. The definition of introvert is not requiring that much external social stimulation, not hating to interact with other people.
- biohacker42 17y ago
  but it is really draining when it shouldn't be. Nope it is draining for introverts. Your definition of introvert is a bit off too. Introverts ARE mentally drained by social interaction. I am. And I am invigorated by alone time. I am an introvert, but me and all my introvert friends don't have any trouble talking to people, starting conversations, small talk, parties, even public speaking. In fact the people I know that do have trouble with those things strike me as shy and socially anxious extroverts.
- nollidge 17y ago
  I'm not sure that's a complete definition though. As an introvert, while I don't hate interacting with other people, I do find an excess of interaction (in terms of either the amount of people and/or duration) rather draining, and my interest in interaction is somewhat volatile.
- 321abc 17y ago
  According to Carl Jung, who invented the terms introvert and extrovert, the two are really about preferring to focus inside or outside yourself. They don't necessarily have a social connotation. The introvert, according to Jung, generally perfers to focus on his own feelings, thoughts, ideas, dreams. While the extrovert, generally prefers to focus on things outside himself, like objects, other people, and their ideas, feelings, etc. So, in the original sense, these definitions have absolutely nothing to do with shyness or lack thereof, or about feeling "drained" by interaction with people vs being alone. An introvert could be perfectly happy being with other people, as long as he can focus on his own internal world. And an extrovert could be happy being alone, but as long as he can focus on people or things outside himself.
pavel_lishin 17y ago
True, but I wish someone would write a guide for people like me to avoid conversation with strangers when I don't want to have one. If I'm in an elevator, what's the quickest way to make someone stop talking to me about my bike? If I'm waiting for a bus, what's the quickest way to get a stranger to stop talking to me about his life? If I'm reading a book, what's a polite and effective way of saying "Sorry if you're illiterate, but I actually do read for pleasure"?
- biohacker42 17y ago
  Some people you just can't shut up. But the wast majority of humanity will take a serious face and terse answer as a clear sign you have no desire to chat.
- dtf 17y ago
  You should move to London. Nobody will ever bother you, unless it's to shout at you for doing something wrong.

marvin 17y ago

Exactly. It is wonderful that a reflected, empathic introvert has finally been able to figure out something like this. I am in the same spot as the author right now, and the thing that really gets to me is that I have to fake being an extrovert in order to connect with other people. It isn't really that hard (it's just acting), but it is really draining when it shouldn't be. The ideal way to interact would be to be able to be myself while still managing to spark some openness and life in my conversational counterpart. After all, most deep wants are somehow achievable, and there isn't any obvious reason why it should be impossible to connect with other people if you happen to hate smalltalk and often enjoy being alone. The definition of introvert is not requiring that much external social stimulation, not hating to interact with other people.

biohacker42 17y ago
but it is really draining when it shouldn't be. Nope it is draining for introverts. Your definition of introvert is a bit off too. Introverts ARE mentally drained by social interaction. I am. And I am invigorated by alone time. I am an introvert, but me and all my introvert friends don't have any trouble talking to people, starting conversations, small talk, parties, even public speaking. In fact the people I know that do have trouble with those things strike me as shy and socially anxious extroverts.
nollidge 17y ago
I'm not sure that's a complete definition though. As an introvert, while I don't hate interacting with other people, I do find an excess of interaction (in terms of either the amount of people and/or duration) rather draining, and my interest in interaction is somewhat volatile.
321abc 17y ago
According to Carl Jung, who invented the terms introvert and extrovert, the two are really about preferring to focus inside or outside yourself. They don't necessarily have a social connotation. The introvert, according to Jung, generally perfers to focus on his own feelings, thoughts, ideas, dreams. While the extrovert, generally prefers to focus on things outside himself, like objects, other people, and their ideas, feelings, etc. So, in the original sense, these definitions have absolutely nothing to do with shyness or lack thereof, or about feeling "drained" by interaction with people vs being alone. An introvert could be perfectly happy being with other people, as long as he can focus on his own internal world. And an extrovert could be happy being alone, but as long as he can focus on people or things outside himself.

pavel_lishin 17y ago

True, but I wish someone would write a guide for people like me to avoid conversation with strangers when I don't want to have one. If I'm in an elevator, what's the quickest way to make someone stop talking to me about my bike? If I'm waiting for a bus, what's the quickest way to get a stranger to stop talking to me about his life? If I'm reading a book, what's a polite and effective way of saying "Sorry if you're illiterate, but I actually do read for pleasure"?

biohacker42 17y ago
Some people you just can't shut up. But the wast majority of humanity will take a serious face and terse answer as a clear sign you have no desire to chat.
dtf 17y ago
You should move to London. Nobody will ever bother you, unless it's to shout at you for doing something wrong.