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There's a set of human interaction anti-patterns like this. (The article mentions another one -- excessive confidence and its inverse, ability to acknowledge i

There's a set of human interaction anti-patterns like this. (The article mentions another one -- excessive confidence and its inverse, ability to acknowledge ignorance and learn from others. I'd also add a variant to that--having and expressing varying degrees of confidence in your opinions. The more experience/evidence-based your opinion is, the more strongly you are likely to be attached. But every opinion in software should have error bars around it, especially given the rapidity of change.) The inverse of feigned surprise was neatly displayed to me by a coworker recently, "oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X." I assume someone has written something brilliant about these sets of interactions.

probably_wrong 12y ago
Perhaps your coworker was referencing this XKCD strip? I've seen it quoted fairly often: http://xkcd.com/1053/ http://xkcd.com/1053/
read 12y ago
Pay close attention to guilty words like: just, always, never, everything, nothing, all, none, very, actually. They are an alarm that indicates you are going to an extreme to justify a position. If what you say is evidently true, you wouldn't feel the need to try hard to qualify it.
- collyw 12y ago
  Interesting that you pick up on those words, as I have noticed that whenever my team leader asks me for "just a small change", it usually means he hasn't bothered to think it through properly, and it will involve a lot more thinking or work or maintenance in the long run than he imagines.
- zimpenfish 12y ago
  Isn't this kinda related to "Black and White Thinking" / "All or Nothing Thinking"?
macca321 12y ago
That can still sound patronising - what if you actually know about X already?
netcan 12y ago
"having and expressing varying degrees of confidence in your opinions" is something I think people should really look at in themselves. Both in the way the communicate and the way they think. Realistically everything we know to be true is really probably true and probability is of various degree. It's something we all can make progress on. It makes you smarter.
archagon 12y ago
One anti-pattern I particularly hate is sarcasm. For some reason, people in many online communities seem to think that they can't do without it — even that it somehow defines their personalities. But whenever somebody posts something even remotely against the grain, and the top-voted reply is in the vein of "Yeah, because that's a real problem", there's just nothing more I can do in that thread. It's a conversational dead-end.
- alttab 12y ago
  Yeah, because that's what destroys your conversations.
- normloman 12y ago
  I will defend sarcasm. Because sometimes, the only way to see the stupidity in your argument is to hear it said back to you. And yeah, it stings a bit. All the better.
  - aninhumer 12y ago
    You don't need to mock someone to convey this. Just assume it was a brainfart (which it probably was): "Are you sure that's what you meant to say?". If they were actually wrong, they'll feel embarrassed enough about it without you mocking them as well.
    - normloman 12y ago
      I'm not talking about criticizing who misspoke. I'm talking about pointing out the stupidity of someone's poorly formed opinion, that may not be obvious to them. Example: A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
jrs99 12y ago
what about feigning naivete. i see that happening sometimes. i've seen a guy get bullied and bullied in the workplace and do the work of several other coworkers for a long time. And then one day they needed something really important done, and they had no clue how to do it, though they have been taking credit for his work for like a year, they cozied up to the guy and asked him for help again. he said no that time.
ppod 12y ago
To my ear "oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X." is even more patronizing than the feigned surprise. Feigned surprise may have a tone of superiority, but at least it means they respect my knowledge enough to be surprised that I don't know.
- yanowitz 12y ago
  YMMV, but I find this has more to do with the attitudes of the participants. Knowledge is not a zero-sum game, I hope to learn new things every day, and want the people I work with to help level me up. If someone wants to take the time to share their knowledge with me, I win. If it was being said passively aggressively, I would agree with you (and perhaps you've mainly experienced this interaction that way).
  - edraferi 12y ago
    even better: "oh, you're not familiar with X? it's actually pretty cool. it has benefits Y in situations like Z, which might be useful to you here because [...] I'll send you some links to the resources I used to learn about it. ”
danielweber 12y ago
> oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X Sounds like https://xkcd.com/1053/ https://xkcd.com/1053/ Learning to interact with other human beings is a skill many developers seem to think is beneath them, or they are still stuck playing petty primate status games, or that they are so brilliant the other guy needs to adapt to their rough edges.
farinasa 12y ago
>oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X. I still don't like this. There is no need to comment on my knowledge. If I say I don't know something, there is no need to repeat it back to me in any form. Offer resources, assistance, or guidance. If I found something I need to learn, assume that I will now be scrambling to learn it.
- munificent 12y ago
  The intent of that sentence is not to repeat to you that you don't know something. That's already established. It's to signal that the other person is not judging you negatively for that fact.
  - farinasa 12y ago
    I fully understand the intent, but it doesn't come across that way. Assume that I will learn it, and I will assume you aren't judging me. If I'm not busy, it is cool. Very cool. But if I have to spend hours reading and experimenting just to get to the next phase of some task, not so much. When I'm working, I like to accomplish things and learning can be a speed bump. I love learning new things during learning times. This also helps the learning process as I'm not facing stressful deadlines. Stated as is, it also sounds like you are offering me the privilege to get to learn something you already know. I get to join your club. I've even heard people claim responsibility for another's knowledge because they were the first person to mention the topic. Same for TV shows, music, and movies.

probably_wrong 12y ago

Perhaps your coworker was referencing this XKCD strip? I've seen it quoted fairly often: http://xkcd.com/1053/ http://xkcd.com/1053/

read 12y ago

Pay close attention to guilty words like: just, always, never, everything, nothing, all, none, very, actually. They are an alarm that indicates you are going to an extreme to justify a position. If what you say is evidently true, you wouldn't feel the need to try hard to qualify it.

collyw 12y ago
Interesting that you pick up on those words, as I have noticed that whenever my team leader asks me for "just a small change", it usually means he hasn't bothered to think it through properly, and it will involve a lot more thinking or work or maintenance in the long run than he imagines.
zimpenfish 12y ago
Isn't this kinda related to "Black and White Thinking" / "All or Nothing Thinking"?

macca321 12y ago

That can still sound patronising - what if you actually know about X already?

netcan 12y ago

"having and expressing varying degrees of confidence in your opinions" is something I think people should really look at in themselves. Both in the way the communicate and the way they think. Realistically everything we know to be true is really probably true and probability is of various degree. It's something we all can make progress on. It makes you smarter.

archagon 12y ago

One anti-pattern I particularly hate is sarcasm. For some reason, people in many online communities seem to think that they can't do without it — even that it somehow defines their personalities. But whenever somebody posts something even remotely against the grain, and the top-voted reply is in the vein of "Yeah, because that's a real problem", there's just nothing more I can do in that thread. It's a conversational dead-end.

alttab 12y ago
Yeah, because that's what destroys your conversations.
normloman 12y ago
I will defend sarcasm. Because sometimes, the only way to see the stupidity in your argument is to hear it said back to you. And yeah, it stings a bit. All the better.
- aninhumer 12y ago
  You don't need to mock someone to convey this. Just assume it was a brainfart (which it probably was): "Are you sure that's what you meant to say?". If they were actually wrong, they'll feel embarrassed enough about it without you mocking them as well.
  - normloman 12y ago
    I'm not talking about criticizing who misspoke. I'm talking about pointing out the stupidity of someone's poorly formed opinion, that may not be obvious to them. Example: A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

jrs99 12y ago

what about feigning naivete. i see that happening sometimes. i've seen a guy get bullied and bullied in the workplace and do the work of several other coworkers for a long time. And then one day they needed something really important done, and they had no clue how to do it, though they have been taking credit for his work for like a year, they cozied up to the guy and asked him for help again. he said no that time.

ppod 12y ago

To my ear "oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X." is even more patronizing than the feigned surprise. Feigned surprise may have a tone of superiority, but at least it means they respect my knowledge enough to be surprised that I don't know.

yanowitz 12y ago
YMMV, but I find this has more to do with the attitudes of the participants. Knowledge is not a zero-sum game, I hope to learn new things every day, and want the people I work with to help level me up. If someone wants to take the time to share their knowledge with me, I win. If it was being said passively aggressively, I would agree with you (and perhaps you've mainly experienced this interaction that way).
- edraferi 12y ago
  even better: "oh, you're not familiar with X? it's actually pretty cool. it has benefits Y in situations like Z, which might be useful to you here because [...] I'll send you some links to the resources I used to learn about it. ”

danielweber 12y ago

> oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X Sounds like https://xkcd.com/1053/ https://xkcd.com/1053/ Learning to interact with other human beings is a skill many developers seem to think is beneath them, or they are still stuck playing petty primate status games, or that they are so brilliant the other guy needs to adapt to their rough edges.

farinasa 12y ago

>oh cool, today is the day you get to learn about X. I still don't like this. There is no need to comment on my knowledge. If I say I don't know something, there is no need to repeat it back to me in any form. Offer resources, assistance, or guidance. If I found something I need to learn, assume that I will now be scrambling to learn it.

munificent 12y ago
The intent of that sentence is not to repeat to you that you don't know something. That's already established. It's to signal that the other person is not judging you negatively for that fact.
- farinasa 12y ago
  I fully understand the intent, but it doesn't come across that way. Assume that I will learn it, and I will assume you aren't judging me. If I'm not busy, it is cool. Very cool. But if I have to spend hours reading and experimenting just to get to the next phase of some task, not so much. When I'm working, I like to accomplish things and learning can be a speed bump. I love learning new things during learning times. This also helps the learning process as I'm not facing stressful deadlines. Stated as is, it also sounds like you are offering me the privilege to get to learn something you already know. I get to join your club. I've even heard people claim responsibility for another's knowledge because they were the first person to mention the topic. Same for TV shows, music, and movies.