6 ms·

"In a refugee centre in Rome we had been taught that Americans, when they ask "How are you?" don't really expect an answer" Still true. I responded to someone

"In a refugee centre in Rome we had been taught that Americans, when they ask "How are you?" don't really expect an answer" Still true. I responded to someone's 'How are you?' yesterday with an actual status report, and they were taken aback.

Fuxy 13y ago
I always respond with an actual status report. If you're not interested then stop pretending to care. Plus getting people off balance is always fun.
- stronglikedan 13y ago
  > getting people off balance is always fun. Also fun by actually remembering the names of new people.
- lostlogin 13y ago
  I work in a hospital. I ask every patient how they are today and 99% say "fine" or "good". The odd one that doesn't and says something like "I'm awful, that's why I'm here" is always interesting to chat to. I suspect that the majority of what we say is completely scripted and as such is startling when someone chucks a spanner into the works.
LoganCale 13y ago
I expect a real answer when I ask it.
- logfromblammo 13y ago
  When I emit a NULL+POLITE+INVITATION linguistic token ("How's it going?"), I expect to either hear a NULL+POLITE+NONCOMMITAL ("Fine.") or a mood-conveying linguistic token ("Awful [and I will talk to you about why, if you're interested]."). I don't expect to hear actual conversational content until after I confirm whether I actually want to talk ("What happened?") or whether I was just being polite ("I hope you feel better."). If I don't want to talk at all, I will use a simpler NULL+POLITE token ("Good morning.") without the implicit invitation to open a conversation. It isn't that Americans don't expect a response. It's just that most Americans have different handshake formulas for starting a conversation. People who skip the initial negotiation might be perceived as chatty.
speeder 13y ago
Brazil for some reason imported this weird US custom. It bothers me. Thankfully, my startup associate, that is french, when he asks that, I know he probably means it (I always reply to him truthfully, even if he dislikes the answer...)
- personlurking 13y ago
  ...where every email or message to a friend has to start with "Tudo bem?", to not seem rude. And the answer? "Tudo bem!" Like in French ("ça va?").
  - speeder 13y ago
    I never start e-mail messages with that... Noone ever complained. In fact I rarely use that, much less at the start of a conversation (I might use it as courteous reply if the other person ask first, and I ask that to actually close people, like my associate, my SO, my parents...)
JonnieCache 13y ago
The UK has this too, in a slightly different form: If someone says "Alright?"* to you, the correct response is "Alright." Linguistically it could be either a reciprocation of the question, or an affirmative answer, it isn't well defined. It could be translated as "'sup?", which I believe in US english is responded to with a corresponding "sup." "Alright mate" is basically "Yo!" or just "Hello." If you respond with "fine, thanks" then that would not seem out of place either. You can mumble back pretty much anything and people will be happy with it. British english is very loosely defined like that. * it should probably be spelled "Allright" but that looks totally wrong to me, it isn't pronounced as two words at all.
- erobbins 13y ago
  so... when's the appropriate time for "you wot mate?"
  - mhurron 13y ago
    When you would have otherwise said, "WTF dude?"
  - JonnieCache 13y ago
    Whenever anyone says something you don't like, or you just fancy a fight. That's pretty advanced stuff. Best to get the basics right first: correct application and composition of the words "safe," "fair," "sound," "nice one," "proper" and "bruv" should be your first concern. You may wish to consult this instructional video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qksndNDMDOw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qksndNDMDOw
- brc 13y ago
  In reality it is more like 'orright?'
protomyth 13y ago
"good, good, yourself?" Unless its a relative or friend and they are actually asking because of some event. Everyone else is just being polite and checking if it is an ok time to talk.
- pasbesoin 13y ago
  An important thing to understand intellectually, I think -- whether or not you can understand it in terms or your own experience -- is that this is actually really difficult for some people, for whatever reason. I understand your advice, intellectually, but when I am in the immediate circumstance, it can nonetheless be hard for me to go into and remain in "superficial" mode. It's not my natural form of communication; also, when it extends beyond just the greeting, it can become difficult and frustrating. I find it not very efficient nor productive towards actually understanding the other person or situation and reaching a useful mutual understanding, whether just at a social level or in the course of some specific problem solving. Again, this may not "make sense" to some reading my comment. But it is the way I and I think some others experience dealing with things such as "How are you?" and "(Very) Good/Great/Fine..." and "Well", of course... as evaluating to "Hey" or even [null expression]. The flipside is that the other party does genuinely communicate, we tend to be able to communicate a much greater understanding more quickly and with fewer errors and need for longer term follow-up and repetition. In my experience... People can sometimes be frustrated with the amount I communicate. Until they realize later that I actually though of and told them exactly what they needed to know to deal with a situation, and they didn't have to come back and ask me anything further -- nor correct a mistake caused by a lack of understanding. Over time, they tend to learn that if I am telling them something, it is probably for a good reason -- even if they don't see it, yet.
  - protomyth 13y ago
    "I find it not very efficient nor productive towards actually understanding the other person or situation and reaching a useful mutual understanding" General greetings like that aren't meant to. Its just an ENQ and I'm giving an ACK. Either I have time to talk or I don't and my next actions tell the story. It might be one of those regional things, but its not something to dwell on too much when encountered since its just superficial politeness.

Fuxy 13y ago

I always respond with an actual status report. If you're not interested then stop pretending to care. Plus getting people off balance is always fun.

stronglikedan 13y ago
> getting people off balance is always fun. Also fun by actually remembering the names of new people.
lostlogin 13y ago
I work in a hospital. I ask every patient how they are today and 99% say "fine" or "good". The odd one that doesn't and says something like "I'm awful, that's why I'm here" is always interesting to chat to. I suspect that the majority of what we say is completely scripted and as such is startling when someone chucks a spanner into the works.

LoganCale 13y ago

I expect a real answer when I ask it.

logfromblammo 13y ago
When I emit a NULL+POLITE+INVITATION linguistic token ("How's it going?"), I expect to either hear a NULL+POLITE+NONCOMMITAL ("Fine.") or a mood-conveying linguistic token ("Awful [and I will talk to you about why, if you're interested]."). I don't expect to hear actual conversational content until after I confirm whether I actually want to talk ("What happened?") or whether I was just being polite ("I hope you feel better."). If I don't want to talk at all, I will use a simpler NULL+POLITE token ("Good morning.") without the implicit invitation to open a conversation. It isn't that Americans don't expect a response. It's just that most Americans have different handshake formulas for starting a conversation. People who skip the initial negotiation might be perceived as chatty.

speeder 13y ago

Brazil for some reason imported this weird US custom. It bothers me. Thankfully, my startup associate, that is french, when he asks that, I know he probably means it (I always reply to him truthfully, even if he dislikes the answer...)

personlurking 13y ago
...where every email or message to a friend has to start with "Tudo bem?", to not seem rude. And the answer? "Tudo bem!" Like in French ("ça va?").
- speeder 13y ago
  I never start e-mail messages with that... Noone ever complained. In fact I rarely use that, much less at the start of a conversation (I might use it as courteous reply if the other person ask first, and I ask that to actually close people, like my associate, my SO, my parents...)

JonnieCache 13y ago

The UK has this too, in a slightly different form: If someone says "Alright?"* to you, the correct response is "Alright." Linguistically it could be either a reciprocation of the question, or an affirmative answer, it isn't well defined. It could be translated as "'sup?", which I believe in US english is responded to with a corresponding "sup." "Alright mate" is basically "Yo!" or just "Hello." If you respond with "fine, thanks" then that would not seem out of place either. You can mumble back pretty much anything and people will be happy with it. British english is very loosely defined like that. * it should probably be spelled "Allright" but that looks totally wrong to me, it isn't pronounced as two words at all.

erobbins 13y ago
so... when's the appropriate time for "you wot mate?"
- mhurron 13y ago
  When you would have otherwise said, "WTF dude?"
- JonnieCache 13y ago
  Whenever anyone says something you don't like, or you just fancy a fight. That's pretty advanced stuff. Best to get the basics right first: correct application and composition of the words "safe," "fair," "sound," "nice one," "proper" and "bruv" should be your first concern. You may wish to consult this instructional video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qksndNDMDOw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qksndNDMDOw
brc 13y ago
In reality it is more like 'orright?'

protomyth 13y ago

"good, good, yourself?" Unless its a relative or friend and they are actually asking because of some event. Everyone else is just being polite and checking if it is an ok time to talk.

pasbesoin 13y ago
An important thing to understand intellectually, I think -- whether or not you can understand it in terms or your own experience -- is that this is actually really difficult for some people, for whatever reason. I understand your advice, intellectually, but when I am in the immediate circumstance, it can nonetheless be hard for me to go into and remain in "superficial" mode. It's not my natural form of communication; also, when it extends beyond just the greeting, it can become difficult and frustrating. I find it not very efficient nor productive towards actually understanding the other person or situation and reaching a useful mutual understanding, whether just at a social level or in the course of some specific problem solving. Again, this may not "make sense" to some reading my comment. But it is the way I and I think some others experience dealing with things such as "How are you?" and "(Very) Good/Great/Fine..." and "Well", of course... as evaluating to "Hey" or even [null expression]. The flipside is that the other party does genuinely communicate, we tend to be able to communicate a much greater understanding more quickly and with fewer errors and need for longer term follow-up and repetition. In my experience... People can sometimes be frustrated with the amount I communicate. Until they realize later that I actually though of and told them exactly what they needed to know to deal with a situation, and they didn't have to come back and ask me anything further -- nor correct a mistake caused by a lack of understanding. Over time, they tend to learn that if I am telling them something, it is probably for a good reason -- even if they don't see it, yet.
- protomyth 13y ago
  "I find it not very efficient nor productive towards actually understanding the other person or situation and reaching a useful mutual understanding" General greetings like that aren't meant to. Its just an ENQ and I'm giving an ACK. Either I have time to talk or I don't and my next actions tell the story. It might be one of those regional things, but its not something to dwell on too much when encountered since its just superficial politeness.