I venture most of these are already present. Eg I've read elsewhere about "indicator strips" on the casing which divulge water exposure, the accelerometer ICs

I venture most of these are already present. Eg I've read elsewhere about "indicator strips" on the casing which divulge water exposure, the accelerometer ICs these days usually can be programmed to generate an interrupt on high-g, and there may already be a temp sense in there (eg some accelerometers carry these on board for temp compensation).