Sorry, but the director of product vision, who's my boss (as dictated by a complicated blame-shifting matrix of dynamic management) heard 12 years ago that Java

Sorry, but the director of product vision, who's my boss (as dictated by a complicated blame-shifting matrix of dynamic management) heard 12 years ago that Java is a good language for the kind of things he thinks we're probably building. He even gave us an incomplete UML spec to get started with!