to the commentors who've said "you're only 25. stop feeling that way": you have forgotten what it's like to be 25 and feel 25. i think your intention is to upli

to the commentors who've said "you're only 25. stop feeling that way": you have forgotten what it's like to be 25 and feel 25. i think your intention is to uplift and inject perspective, but you sound uncaring and distant to me. i recommend against saying this kind of blithe bullshit. people don't like hearing it. you don't like hearing someone say that to you. i am 25. i teach in the humanities, but i'm not interested in a degree there. i love acting. i used to act. i'm currently: soldering an IBM model F keyboard to a USB board so i can daily-drive it. lusting for a lisp machine. ordering an FPGA so i can write my own lisp machine. reading psych books on the off-chance that i become a therapist. inhaling everything Alan Kay that i can find. leading communication workshops so people can communicate more how they want and less how they don't. i see connections and a narrative among these projects (uhh sometimes) but i can't explain it to anyone else for shit. i really suck at it. it gets me down because i think people misperceive me as aimless. i'm not aimless. this blog post spoke to me: http://sebastianmarshall.com/fundamentals-and-novelty-seeking http://sebastianmarshall.com/fundamentals-and-novelty-seekin... i'm constantly looking for distractive life-hacks (cheat codes). i should be working on my fundamentals. i subconsiously believe that all my weirdo historical hobbies will come together to make me cool/money/content/dunno. those are weirdo hobbies and self-improvement/help tricks, though. i have one fundamental right now: learning clojure. it's a fundamental because it's more difficult than the others. this will be the first programming language i really learn. all that other shit (BASIC c++ java bash elisp c assembly python vimscript) was forced on me or learned as a hobby or learned so i could do something else. because I Am Learning Clojure to be a Professional Programmer, when i'm programming in it i'm thinking "i'm doing the right thing" and "i wish i was learning verilog/freudian psych/arduino C/[hobby thing]" because there's nothing at stake when i learn a stupid hobby, but there's everything at stake when i'm learning the thing that'll eventually pay the bills. my advice is: recognize what you're bad at that you want to change, do the embarrassingly hard work to change it. could be programming, could be anything else. i feel for you. i started talking about you, and i ended up outlining my problem. hope this helps. if you're in my city, hit me up.